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Cross roads

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 27, 2014 9:53 pm

Im always at that cross roads. I refuse to get into relationships; I have to much contempt for the idiots that want to love me! I think they are brain dead and stupid f@cks. And thats one idea.

They assume after a short amount of time; Im a loser! Thats what happens when Im dealing with shallow people!

Im not a loser, but no one else cares, they make things up! f#cking retards.

Im dealing with allot of predators that get into my space! con artists; 2 faced, deceptive! or punks that need to be taken down! Either way I have to learn to get away from them. I can't control them or the envernment! Getting into it with them is a waist. You become their captor at that point! Its not worth my time! I have to learn to move around them or away from them; something like that!

Im weak and give into them! I don't stand up for myself and tell them to get lost! stay away from em and don't talk to me anymore. The best I can do is ignore them... Some are good. They seem to think they are undetected. They are completely open and relaxed around me! its all contempt and arrogance!

Some of them are simply ######6 evil and not worth much more! They think they have it going on! its horrible and horrifying.

I need more work to wake up. I can't let dumb-asses get in the way of my progress! I have to stay low key!

I am disappointed that no one can be trusted from the people I started out with! Not one; not really! well, a few are Ok. Most are not! They charm you! they are no good. They play you underhand behind your back!

The other; Im chicken; by the time I actually process that Im loved by someone Its to late. I wait and watch! This is what I find. The girl has moved on to someone else! And she has had him in mind if I didn't work out! F#ck both of them and all of them! I want nothing to do with these kind of people. Im a decent human being, not some f#cking scumbag...

I have a hard time standing up for myself; I can't fight back and defend myself! People get into my space and I get scared. Im freeze up and can't move. Predators see this and run with it!

Im a deep deep person! do they really think they can compete against me! I don't think so! Yet they try out of contempt!

I hate their f#cking guts... Scum bag b#tches... They are all b#tches... Everyones a bitch!

I have to find people that are not deceptive.

I blame myself for touring in the house of the vampire! female vampires fall in love with me, Only to find out Im not a vampire! When this happens, they go into a rage; find a big strong real male vampire from their clan and pass me off as a throw away! They feel victimized. I victimized them because I never told them I wasn't a vampire. I led them on ( sorry for being a decent human being). I was one of those sickos that believe in God and the light! I do not believe in worshiping evil! and I do not believe in believing in evil! Im not God, and neither are you!

And I am a big fool and a hypocrite!

Im so 2 faced, and I do not know what to do about it, except keep working on it until I can separate the 2 views and see which I will stand for!

I have to keep working through my recovery! I have to learn to stay away from trouble!

Im just trying to wake up! ITs very hard!


In the meetings; its extremely important that I have space around me! no one sitting by me! and its important that I have anonymity. I want people away from me, not talking to me! only choice friends.

I have to learn to walk away from people that don't value me! Others have walked away from me; they didn't value me!

People in the meetings don't value me! no one does.

I have to keep trusting God!

I need to think someone values me!


The point of this blog; others are taking advantage of me and I do not know how to fight back! Im not well enough to fight back! I have to stay away from them.

I have been conned by them. they say hello to me! they don't mean it. deep down they think Im a weakling they can take advantage of! And, Im starting to care. But Im not awake enough to do anything about it!

Im not sure what to do!

Im not awake enough yet! I have to learn to get away from these people, or walk away from them! This is going to take much work and patience!

I wish I had other places to go! possible, I need to start going other places. I will ask God about this!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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