Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1097)
- October 2020
The real me; starting to show signs of alignment
   Wed Oct 28, 2020 10:11 am
Stepping into the next interval of time
   Mon Oct 26, 2020 11:11 pm
over the wall
   Mon Oct 26, 2020 6:13 am
Im wacked out...
   Fri Oct 23, 2020 10:35 pm
Ive got real friends
   Wed Oct 21, 2020 4:10 am
Working with God in dating/relationships
   Tue Oct 20, 2020 11:25 am
   Sun Oct 11, 2020 10:06 am
   Sat Oct 10, 2020 10:06 pm
Feeling worthy
   Fri Oct 09, 2020 10:06 am
adjustments when dealing with women
   Thu Oct 08, 2020 9:55 am

+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Core problem with women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:16 am

I have a core problem with women. A man was speaking tonight. As I was listening to him, he mentioned core problems in many directions. He mentioned a fundamental core problem with women. I believe I have a core problem with women. I have lots of dissociations around women. I believe its from my experiences with my mother. I do not believe its women in general. Or possibly it is, Im not sure. I do believe I have problems with women. I would not say its hate, I would say its fear, it could be hate. However, I see it more as fear, possibly repressed hate. Ive been manipulated by everyone Ive met.

I could have a core hatred for women. I think a core sadness is a better picture. I have had no success in relationships; nothing. every person Ive met is 2 faced. ITs all about performance, nothing about me! Not all people are like this. Ive been online with women who feel the same way I do. I believe Im of a deeper harder venue in this life. The general shallow person will never fit as a friend.

I have rejected my manhood in the areas of women. Im not interested in opening this area up! Ive been disrespected to many times. Why cant people respect people for who they are. If I don't have the money or status Im not noticed. Im not sure what to do about this!

So I have a core problem with myself and women in the direction of relationships.

Im mad at the opportunistic attitudes. Every time some one has taken an interest in me, I am competing for them. If I do not follow through in a way that is acceptable, Im out, Im replaced. I do not like the idea of competing for people; this seems satanic in nature. This is not decent.

When I finally have someone that likes me, I take it for granted or throw it away, or think Im better then they are. Its all safety features. Deep down I want them!

This could have something to do with bulling and neglect and abandonment. It may have nothing to do with women. It might be before women, that these problems started.

My father left when I was 9. He never really returned; my growth stopped at that point. The house on C street is all I remember, after that everything is blank. I don't remember my mother, or don't want to remember her. My brothers and I were after-thoughts with her. She was gone! I was sent to my grandmothers. Its possible that I was stunned before an interest in women could take shape. Women may be something I was looking forward to; I never got that far in my development.

Women attempt to take interest now and I shun them away. Im shunning something away from 35 years ago; not the present! Im seeing repressed hostility towards bullies. strange?

Possibly sexual abuse as something to do with this. Also, I was betrayed by the first girl I fell in love with. This might be a big reason; I can feel the force behind this. I loved her with all my heart; this meant nothing to her. I still do not understand how I meant nothing to her. However, Im starting to understand I meant nothing to her from the beginning. It could have been my PTSD problems that pushed me in her direction. I wanted to believe she liked me because I was worth it. Possibly she was just using me, biding her time. I could have been resentful about this, that I was not accepted, when I was good enough for her. I was the best person she ever met. However, she could care less. This was not the right person for me to associate with! She was evil, I was a decent person. I could still be mad about this!

I could have been worn out by my mother and have no tolerance for women? I see bullying.? I see people bullying me as the problem with women. I was not bullied by women, I was bullied by others. Im not sure what to think. However, It might be a line of situations that end in bulling that have created this intolerance. i see my mother manipulating me; it seems a form of bulling and control. Possibly I see women as manipulators and looking for control?

This could be about intimacy! My fear of intimacy. Ive had no one ask me a question about my life; about what happened in it!

Possibly I have massive repression! Ive lived repressed, and when I get close to someone it comes out. So, its not about anyone else, its about me! However, how do I solve it!

I might not want anyone close, Im afraid I will not be the person the think I am. I might be a monster that attacks when opened up!

All of these things I want to explore. Ive had several women interested in me! They seemed like they trusted me! I hate the idea of not giving them a chance. Its horrible not accepting someone that has taken an interest in me! especially when I like them or would like to date them; its crazy!

I think Im close to an answer. Just more work in the direction of opening up! Have to keep working on it, keep working through the broken life and feelings surrounding this situation and possibly I will get relief.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 5800 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, KalliopePS, Majestic-12 [Bot]