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Core problem with women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:16 am

I have a core problem with women. A man was speaking tonight. As I was listening to him, he mentioned core problems in many directions. He mentioned a fundamental core problem with women. I believe I have a core problem with women. I have lots of dissociations around women. I believe its from my experiences with my mother. I do not believe its women in general. Or possibly it is, Im not sure. I do believe I have problems with women. I would not say its hate, I would say its fear, it could be hate. However, I see it more as fear, possibly repressed hate. Ive been manipulated by everyone Ive met.

I could have a core hatred for women. I think a core sadness is a better picture. I have had no success in relationships; nothing. every person Ive met is 2 faced. ITs all about performance, nothing about me! Not all people are like this. Ive been online with women who feel the same way I do. I believe Im of a deeper harder venue in this life. The general shallow person will never fit as a friend.

I have rejected my manhood in the areas of women. Im not interested in opening this area up! Ive been disrespected to many times. Why cant people respect people for who they are. If I don't have the money or status Im not noticed. Im not sure what to do about this!

So I have a core problem with myself and women in the direction of relationships.

Im mad at the opportunistic attitudes. Every time some one has taken an interest in me, I am competing for them. If I do not follow through in a way that is acceptable, Im out, Im replaced. I do not like the idea of competing for people; this seems satanic in nature. This is not decent.

When I finally have someone that likes me, I take it for granted or throw it away, or think Im better then they are. Its all safety features. Deep down I want them!

This could have something to do with bulling and neglect and abandonment. It may have nothing to do with women. It might be before women, that these problems started.

My father left when I was 9. He never really returned; my growth stopped at that point. The house on C street is all I remember, after that everything is blank. I don't remember my mother, or don't want to remember her. My brothers and I were after-thoughts with her. She was gone! I was sent to my grandmothers. Its possible that I was stunned before an interest in women could take shape. Women may be something I was looking forward to; I never got that far in my development.

Women attempt to take interest now and I shun them away. Im shunning something away from 35 years ago; not the present! Im seeing repressed hostility towards bullies. strange?

Possibly sexual abuse as something to do with this. Also, I was betrayed by the first girl I fell in love with. This might be a big reason; I can feel the force behind this. I loved her with all my heart; this meant nothing to her. I still do not understand how I meant nothing to her. However, Im starting to understand I meant nothing to her from the beginning. It could have been my PTSD problems that pushed me in her direction. I wanted to believe she liked me because I was worth it. Possibly she was just using me, biding her time. I could have been resentful about this, that I was not accepted, when I was good enough for her. I was the best person she ever met. However, she could care less. This was not the right person for me to associate with! She was evil, I was a decent person. I could still be mad about this!

I could have been worn out by my mother and have no tolerance for women? I see bullying.? I see people bullying me as the problem with women. I was not bullied by women, I was bullied by others. Im not sure what to think. However, It might be a line of situations that end in bulling that have created this intolerance. i see my mother manipulating me; it seems a form of bulling and control. Possibly I see women as manipulators and looking for control?

This could be about intimacy! My fear of intimacy. Ive had no one ask me a question about my life; about what happened in it!

Possibly I have massive repression! Ive lived repressed, and when I get close to someone it comes out. So, its not about anyone else, its about me! However, how do I solve it!

I might not want anyone close, Im afraid I will not be the person the think I am. I might be a monster that attacks when opened up!

All of these things I want to explore. Ive had several women interested in me! They seemed like they trusted me! I hate the idea of not giving them a chance. Its horrible not accepting someone that has taken an interest in me! especially when I like them or would like to date them; its crazy!

I think Im close to an answer. Just more work in the direction of opening up! Have to keep working on it, keep working through the broken life and feelings surrounding this situation and possibly I will get relief.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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