Ive been practicing at a different rate and type of coaching! Ive now successfully gone up to numerous women for a while; reaching out for them to grab my hand and arms; I grab their arms! I look them strait in the eyes with continued eye contact and tell them how I feel about the; " your cute, your assume, your great, your wonderful, your sexy" and on n on it rolls! As I practice more; I gain more confidence!
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This is no easy feat! Im working through the nightmares of the past because that is all I saw i my head! So, breaking through this terror wall is something else; I cant explain whats its like! its like being controlled by PTSD and then breaking through it at the same time into the real world; up close and personal!
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This type of work is building new experiences for a new me! I became new first; and then new experiences to go with it! ITs like being reborn!
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I can use these tools anytime I want! The more I practice with women; the more I become connected to the inner personal world of people!
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As I practice; my confidence and courage gets greater!
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ITs not perfect! its hard! The women I come up to may not have value for me! they may not " get me"; so, one has to toughen up about all of this!
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When one is dealing with abandonment issues; this is a brutally tuff thing to practice over over; rejection in right in front of my face! And I can see it directly, as I look into her eyes! The idea is to vulnerable and real and feel things, so she can feel me! And Im doing that!
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Next goal Im working on is; occupations; those things I like to do during the day in front of me with my hands or voice or mind or what ever! I have allot of PTSD to work through and dissociation and fear and terror concerning this type of thing! Certainly the most ripped away stuff of my past has to do with occupation and future direction! I was thrown away, neglected completely and abandon! So, no development! Its now in my court to do the work to bring back occupational interests into my life! and with the help of the universe, God, source energy; this will happen and is happening!