Dont know if I posted this or not.
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The main work Im doing these days is connecting the 2 halves.... that is all God is having me work on; no matter how long it takes; I continue to work on it; Ive only started a little while ago; actually understanding it better because Ive had to heal up a bit and do everything else with other symptoms....
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Connecting the 2 halves; I can see it; how to join them to become me again; like glueing a model together.
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I have to ask the universe what glue to use and whose hands because mine are being used so a source outside of myself has to glue me back together...
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I have to watch it; not everyone is on my side. Ive already dealt with 3 maybe treacherous Jealous people. Worthless cowards.... But; as a friend of mine told me today; the world is full of them and they dont care... I was reading about a poor Japanese girl that got bullied; she was popular and many people sent her bad reviews; she took them personally; I think she wanted love from the internet; to be doused in love and what she got was brutal hatred by what I think were people who could care less; for them it was just another Saturday night out; nothing more. She left this planet over it and never returned. Theirs a message in that that I need to learn. Snakes shed their skin but they're still snakes and lots of them.
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Ive been brainwashed to be subservient and open up to everything; the abuser who sexually abused me brainwashed me into that state; no boundaries. And I see myself going into that state when getting criticized; so im looking for love from the Internet just like this women who was bullied; I have to wake up and learn and trust God and learn to move on.
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back to the 2 halves; The universe has infinite power and can change my focus on things at will. And thats whats happened; Im no longer focusing on what happened to me when young at a specific place and time; a specific event that changed everything; Im no longer focused on it; Im bi passing it and getting to the enriched core; I never thought that possible.
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So; I must work with God and keep at it; keep learning to trust God and move forward and keep writing scripts of what I want in life; just keep at it everyday; thats whats making the changes.
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I was totally destroyed by dissociative disorder; Im having to visualize physical movements again because they were trained out of me with pain. In other words when I visualize myself dancing with a women; holding her hands and moving with her body... movement; Im in so much horrible anger and pain doing this; Im wondering when the psychopaths were able to brainwash me out of normal psychical behavior; I mean; I know why it happened and when; but its incredible that I was brainwashed out of interacting with people; but I was; l and to now learn how to get physically close again is painful... But Im doing it anyway and ill continue to do it until the results im looking for show up.
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I seem to be scared to interact with women and scared to ask the right ones out and pray with them and get physical with them; its as if I was pulled away from them for many years with no interaction and now Im rusty and nervous; so this is something to keep working with God on. Connecting the 2 halves of self; this is one major area of importance for interacting with women; I have to come together as a full person; I must and its painful not to dissociate; its absolutely horrid not to; but Im learning how not to and that is a lot of hard work...
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So I visualize Im with a specific person up close in first person point of view; extremely hard work; focused work; challenging work.
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Not sure if all ready posted this kind of stuff..