Have you ever been to intelligent.. No one ever questions the deeper presence of things. I can display an energy field, and that field is taken at face value and never questioned... One may pass through that field and see only one color, never looking for another. Its all so vary frustrating. I have lost almost everyone because they see nothing more then the surface.. Im not at the surface, Im always in the deep, or possibly flying in the high sky over everything.
Im slowly getting better. I do not know what to think of this. I am praying to get over this next section of reality that I may be a little bit more on my feet. This is unbelievable. It is possible. Its like a 1000 mile journey on foot. Its hard, its possible.
Ive been hurt deeply. Im so sorry! I never meant to cause anyone harm that they would destroy me, or hate me.
God has made it clear that if they are not on his side, they are not on my side. They must come to the light first... Then we can talk.. I cannot cross into no mans land. I am not allowed. I must stay with GOd. If they liked me, they would not be afraid.... If they liked God, they would like me and not be afraid.
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The restoration of my life is upon me; much work is required, much work to do..
The first thing is personal organization. I was unable to think at a realistic level, as I was hurt in reality, therefore, I was not allowed in reality... Now Im slowly moving in... very slowly..! First thing I do is organize my place; clothing, furniture, clean everything..., Im getting closer.
I cant believe God will bring me more women to fall in love with, and they with me. It seems like the last one cant be topped. I guess I will see.
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Im in the middle, Im not sure what journey I will be taken on, or where I will get my needs met, Im not sure!/
Ive grown out of 12 step rooms for nourishment. I attend one every morning at 6;30.. I used to visit 4 a day.... its used to be my life, now it is not!>..
My life will be developing in the outside world again. Restoration is occurring.
My gaol is personal interaction.
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Im moving into the next level with an anxiety disorder... This will get interesting..