Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (954)
Archives
- July 2019
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Confidence

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon May 27, 2019 1:24 am

Confidence in the places of my mental breakdowns; Im attempting to work with God in these areas to face myself and work through these areas and build back confidence.
.
My confidence was destroyed in areas Im dissociative; its hard or impossible to have confidence in areas Im dissociating; I think thats obvious and does not require an explanation to the reader.
.
Im attempting, as I get better, to explore what is “ right in front of me”, open up the box, and look around in it; the places of dissociation; the goal; stay awake and accept what I see, even laugh about it; become friends with it and move on; Im doing this because Im becoming stronger. Of course this is scary work; what caused the dissociation in the first place?; thats a very turbulent place or set of memories of shock. So; its a hard place to visit and work through; a place of grief; lots and lots of overwhelming horror that causes tons of thick melting grief; overwhelming amounts; like a polar ice cap full.
.
However, as I get better in one area; this recovery is crossing over with strong intention into other areas; and Im riding on the back of these strongly built intentions in a positive way. Im walking through the magic doors into new fields of broken but untouched dreams; and Ive created a clean up crew to start organizing these dead fields into living breathing fields of new possibilities.
.
Restoration is the name of the game.
.
The ability to get strong in one area and then apply it to another area is creating healing; when things start healing up and I start taking chances and rebuilding on these sites; rebuilding good things; I end up getting confidence. Im applying myself again. Im having success in my dreams again; they are showing up; Im participating again with success; and this is laying the ground work for confidence. Once confidence has been built in one area; Im heading off to another area to clean it up; reformat it; build a new structure; have success within applying myself in that structure; taking chances in that rebuilt form and thus building confidence; as more confidence grows; more old areas, or dominant negative stories are being wiped out and new confident positive stories are in its place creating new play areas to build more confidence; a domino effect.
.
Turbulence; its a turbulent feeling and un secure feeling to go into these places all alone; “ me and God”; and explore and clean these old battle fields; Im not sure; I never knew if demons are lurking in the old fall out shelters of my mind. I don't know who or what Im going to find; old bullies waiting to clobber me and create more humiliation and demoralization? I don't know.
.
.
.
So; Im facing what I have to face. unfortunately, I have only outside help for such things; I would like to have more support; but at this point I don't need it. I can go into my own mind with God and look around and start the clean up process; and start fighting and cleaning out resistance.
.
Its not easy; non of this; its like Im a a soldier fighting in WW2; I have to face that a battle is nearing and I have to go in and clear out the enemy.
.
Im oKe; but I need more reassurance. Im still to weak and afraid. I cant do this on my own; so; I must turn to the universe for help. Ill get their; more experience in these fields of battle are needed that I win a battle and come up to speed.
.
Im getting the bigger picture; its humiliating; Im worth more then being thrown out and thrown down to work this stuff out on my own; its all in-human stuff. However, Im not changing the past by ignoring what happened; Im learning to ignore the power the past has had on me; face it, create new fields of dreams and move on or move in.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 479 times

Who is online

Registered users: AProphet, Bing [Bot], birdsong87, CheckOneSibilance, DaturaInnoxia, Exabot [Bot], fidelio520, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, IDeerInHeadlightsI, Insom84, Majestic-12 [Bot], Robert1971, Son, ThatsWhatIthought, tinypineapple, Tyler