Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (951)
Archives
- July 2019
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Confidence

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun May 27, 2018 9:53 pm

Something is still stopping me from being with women; a gap resides between my feeling good about myself and me feeling bad about myself because I dont have experiences that have filled in the gap from my childhood! Im getting closer and stronger to face what happened to me in my childhood; the horrendous nightmare! As I get stronger and over come this story of the past; and face what I have to face; feeling the edges and fringes of extreme pain from this situation and that fact that I lost my sanity; I will venture 4th into a real life once again!
.
Face the area of the past; the playing field; seeing it, feeling it , sensing it once again! The problem is; my nervous system has a blanket steal shield over everything; its like plexiglass steal shielding; One can see through it; but not hope to bust through it! it has to be broken through on the inside! Someone has to give permission for the shields to go down!
.

Confidence; thats what its about! I have to be able to interact; walk over to a women and talk to her; not dissociative because Im thinking about what she will do for me and Im insecure and stuff; stuff dragged up from my past; and Im working on it! Its a matter of time! Time will tell!
.
Im really scared of my first real new girlfriend! Im scared of it; that connection interaction; Im ashamed because of it; it feels so anti masculine to be afraid like this; Im afraid of what other people will think! its horrible; goes against my image as though guy! or something like that; something I've created in my head!

.
Im getting better! a gap resides between where Im at now and the confidence to stand on my own 2 feet and be present enough to approach a women and get a phone number and ask her out; a women I know will go out with me!
.
Im scared; what if she is the wrong women! what if I dont like her credentials! What do I want; I want to align with source energy and allow the universe to bring the women to me! and I thought I was doing that! So; Im waiting for source energy to make it happen!
.
I might see a women very close to me; physically! but its not enough; She needs to " show up"; I have to feel she is in line with me! she's got to show up! show up in front of me; inline with me! She has to!
.
Im getting closer! However, Ive learned to talk about the relationship after Im in it; not when its just imagination in my head! I wont really know hows some one feels about me until Im actually going out with them!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 1063 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], birdsong87, CheckOneSibilance, ddreamer, Exabot [Bot], GKOKD, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, johnnylogen, justonemoreperson, Majestic-12 [Bot], OMNICELL, Zor