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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (947)
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- July 2019
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
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   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
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Visualizing
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Starting from the beginning
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The trap house part 2
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The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
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Massive Mega paradigm shift
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First post recovery conversation
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Dating and Art
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childhood abandonment
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Preview: PTSD; High School
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Fear
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Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
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PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
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critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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commitment death

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Oct 30, 2015 5:32 am

So, a strange thing happened tonight! I'm in the meeting, and I pick a stick from the jar; and it says commitment! So, I speak on it! And I freak out! And start to loose it! It hits home deep into dissociative disorder! I cant make commitments! So their I am freaking out, cussing! Yelling, heaving! Hating! Getting sick to my stomach! I cant make a commitment! It is worse then death; it is death war!

I will be controlled and destroyed or abused! But in actuality, I am closer to the core and the truth then before! This is a closer position!

And all of this in front of a room full of people! Yelling! Screaming from the pain! Hating it! Loathing it! It makes me sick! Sexual abuse; that is what it reminds me of! But I want commitment! But I don't!

Getting close to people; to women! That is what I want! But a window is between me and them! Hopefully this window will come down!

Women like me and it's a shame I cant get close to them; only look at them! And they look at me! When one starts looking at me, the others start looking at me! I want to sleep with them! I hate this!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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