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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Coming back into the present

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am

CPTSD

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CPTSD is causing this; its dissociative disorder; I dissociate all day long in a specific area of my mind and it goes into my heart where the small child that is innocent cant handle any maturity past. This is a small small child; He is innocent.
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Im determined to regain some kind of life and accomplish something.
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Im having a hard time of it; the 12 step meetings are doing nothing for me accept letting some feelings out. Its doing nothing for my CPTSD; I mean; its letting out steam but Im not accomplishing anything.
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I wish or wouldn't it be nice have something I feel good about. I don't want to do things in front of others. I'm sick of being around people; the wrong people; I want to be loved and taken care of and live in some free place with allot of ground or movement.
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Ive never known where to work or have a job or a career; it all got destroyed and I don't know what to do now..
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Ive wanted to do many things but the universe never brought me anything. I don't understand. I wish I had never thought of anything.
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Why am I not around the right people that treat me with respect. Why am I in a situations with people that don't respect me.
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getting to the point of having no friends. Never had any. not really; Nothing really here. just acquaintances; some are good. I really shouldn't say it this way; everyone one fine; the problem is; Im alone. Right now Im in my apartment alone. I go to 12 step meetings then home. Thats not a life.
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I dont know what to do about it; I understand to set goals. Im so needy; I never have anyone I trust to have a real conversation; no one has earned it; and the rest dont care.
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Im never around the right people; educated people; I dont have a job or career. I dont have money or a house or even a car. I dont know what to offer anyone or who to meet or where.
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I know Im getting better; I am; Im loosing fear of the present and its people in it; its taken 25 years; So; my life is getting better. I want to get to the next level; Im getting closer. Im not sure where to fit in within the outside world.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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