| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/coming_back_into_the_present_b-12936_sid-76bdab1b2457d1f60d835ccd7e43bed5.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Coming back into the present |
CPTSD . CPTSD is causing this; its dissociative disorder; I dissociate all day long in a specific area of my mind and it goes into my heart where the small child that is innocent cant handle any maturity past. This is a small small child; He is innocent. . Im determined to regain some kind of life and accomplish something. . Im having a hard time of it; the 12 step meetings are doing nothing for me accept letting some feelings out. Its doing nothing for my CPTSD; I mean; its letting out steam but Im not accomplishing anything. . I wish or wouldn't it be nice have something I feel good about. I don't want to do things in front of others. I'm sick of being around people; the wrong people; I want to be loved and taken care of and live in some free place with allot of ground or movement. . Ive never known where to work or have a job or a career; it all got destroyed and I don't know what to do now.. . Ive wanted to do many things but the universe never brought me anything. I don't understand. I wish I had never thought of anything. . Why am I not around the right people that treat me with respect. Why am I in a situations with people that don't respect me. . . getting to the point of having no friends. Never had any. not really; Nothing really here. just acquaintances; some are good. I really shouldn't say it this way; everyone one fine; the problem is; Im alone. Right now Im in my apartment alone. I go to 12 step meetings then home. Thats not a life. . I dont know what to do about it; I understand to set goals. Im so needy; I never have anyone I trust to have a real conversation; no one has earned it; and the rest dont care. . Im never around the right people; educated people; I dont have a job or career. I dont have money or a house or even a car. I dont know what to offer anyone or who to meet or where. . I know Im getting better; I am; Im loosing fear of the present and its people in it; its taken 25 years; So; my life is getting better. I want to get to the next level; Im getting closer. Im not sure where to fit in within the outside world. |
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