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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1003)
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- August 2019
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Coming back into the present

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am

CPTSD

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CPTSD is causing this; its dissociative disorder; I dissociate all day long in a specific area of my mind and it goes into my heart where the small child that is innocent cant handle any maturity past. This is a small small child; He is innocent.
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Im determined to regain some kind of life and accomplish something.
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Im having a hard time of it; the 12 step meetings are doing nothing for me accept letting some feelings out. Its doing nothing for my CPTSD; I mean; its letting out steam but Im not accomplishing anything.
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I wish or wouldn't it be nice have something I feel good about. I don't want to do things in front of others. I'm sick of being around people; the wrong people; I want to be loved and taken care of and live in some free place with allot of ground or movement.
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Ive never known where to work or have a job or a career; it all got destroyed and I don't know what to do now..
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Ive wanted to do many things but the universe never brought me anything. I don't understand. I wish I had never thought of anything.
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Why am I not around the right people that treat me with respect. Why am I in a situations with people that don't respect me.
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getting to the point of having no friends. Never had any. not really; Nothing really here. just acquaintances; some are good. I really shouldn't say it this way; everyone one fine; the problem is; Im alone. Right now Im in my apartment alone. I go to 12 step meetings then home. Thats not a life.
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I dont know what to do about it; I understand to set goals. Im so needy; I never have anyone I trust to have a real conversation; no one has earned it; and the rest dont care.
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Im never around the right people; educated people; I dont have a job or career. I dont have money or a house or even a car. I dont know what to offer anyone or who to meet or where.
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I know Im getting better; I am; Im loosing fear of the present and its people in it; its taken 25 years; So; my life is getting better. I want to get to the next level; Im getting closer. Im not sure where to fit in within the outside world.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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