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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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childhood neglect; and how it gets fixed!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Dec 23, 2016 4:26 pm

And getting closer! Im at that point that I can see my childhood!

For many people, their childhood was horrible! the problem with me; I was neglected and free! so, I spent my time in the neighbhorhood that I would call home and loved it and appreciated it! that was under the lie that I had parents! I did not; they were psychopaths! and would soon rip me out of my neighborhood and my future and my life! I was not the only one! 2 children previous to me, went through it! they were so damaged, they could not tell me what to prepare for, they could sadly watch! they could not get involved with me; they were 2 broken to be involved and watch more of this atrocity!

The atrocity occurred; now what? Im now asking God to go back in and help me reverse the whole thing! meaning, send it into another direction; a direction of productivity! That I build a base of positive achievement interest!

I remember when I was being neglected, I remember when sitting down or laying down at the TV and my parents arguing! I was acting like I was asleep, my father yelled at me and told me to go up stairs! This was a pivotal moment! as, all I had left was the TV! No one else cared about my future! my future was already being destroyed! and more n more these people showed they did not care about me or what happened to me! I did not know this was going to happen! I was not prepared for it! I was permanently thrown away!

The point is; at that point watching television that night; it was over for me; for my young life; my childhood! I was being thrown away long before it actually happened! They had been planning for it!

Ive been in a state of shock ever since! Ive been unable to move! unable to do anything, unable to function! I am now asking God to make me functional again!

The idea is to become functional based on the childhood memories that are starting to come back! I need more then 12 step support! I need God intervening and reversing the situation, taking away my fear of the outside world! Im like a 10 year old who is broken and scared! everyday, thats what I am; de-franchised from high school! from all schools! from everything! from life! I never came out of this broken childhood! I stayed the broken child and was mentally paralyzed ever since! Ive always been at the one point; no way out! and then; more abuse of the same nature of being thrown away! it was an act of a sadistic terrorist against the people who live in this land; what they did to me! it was preplanned! and it was a game for the psychopaths! I had whole life planned out! The reason? I was left alone in this neighborhood that lived next door to me! I lived their, had friends their! I had plans their! it was under the understand that my mother or father would support me as a middle class person! meaning, back me up! I assumed this to be the case! this was not the case! instead! I was thrown away, the house was sold, and I would have never seen those people again if I had not tried to see them; they went about their merry way and never came back and could care less either way! they found new families to live off of! they didnt care! I had no idea! I did not know the outcome! I had no idea who or what they were! My life was destroyed!

A destroyed life; so! what now; Im right where Im suppose to be! What now!

My memories are attacked to a time of life where someone else is paying for everything and Im around people! Im a child!

As a grown man; its interesting! I have to trust God to see how he is going to bring my life back inline! I have to trust and work with God for restoration!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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