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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Childhood

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Sep 17, 2015 6:04 pm

Best friend; As my memories come back; I begin to see things; horrible things! Subtle but horrible!
I see myself with my best friend at his house, in the dinning area of the back of the house next to the kitchen; we are fighting and laughing and arguing over stuff as we always do! And every friday night I spend the night! We argue at the dinner table! And every night Im their we argue and laugh and fight! His family expects this! We've known each other for so very long as kids! We set up tents in the back yard and I sleep over as usual!

And we argue over everything as best friends!

Looking back on it now! Its horrible! I mean really horrible! I see so many things and fun times! None of it is real! It scares the hell out of me now; as I look back on it!

He was never my friend! It is all fake! All of it! His family is not on my side; and never were, and never wanted me in their house; not as a child; not as anything! They secretly want me out! Never to have met them or him!

I am considered white trash but do not know it! Nor would I understand such a term as a 5 or 6 year old!

I spent most of my childhood, up to 10 years old; in that house! With that family, and my best friend!
I was never liked or wanted their! I never knew this! They were as calm and friendly as possible!

I was a decent nice kid! Nothing wrong with me! I was a nice kid! The attitudes of these people; this is ridiculous!

I was secretly not wanted at this house! I did not know!

Now, when I look back; God makes sure to tell me; " When you see that kid in the first grade, this time, ignore him, and go sit down on the other side of class"!

I thought he was a nice kid! I was dead wrong! His family were not nice; they were wealthy and none human! Later, they treated me like a second class citizen! I thought they were my friends; I was dead wrong! They kept looking for ways to cut me down or hold resentments against me! They refused to accept me the way I was! Nor did they care!

I look back at that house as I spit on it! And that is from God as well! For they scare God as well!


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Skiing; One of the sociopaths in the house that I lived very young; He would go skiing! I went with him! It appeared that I was part of the skiing life! I went with him, and it became a tradition! What I did not understand! He was looking for ways out of the family system by the time I was 7 years old!
This is typical of the sociopath! I did not understand; I thought I was still being taken care of or thought of! I was not!

At an early age, I went with this person skiing! I was under the understanding; he was taking me skiing to teach me how to ski; He was not; he was going skiing for himself! This was all a lie; that he was trying to teach me anything or was thinking about me! He was not!

The whole of the false middle class ski life experience was a lie! Most of this was to give the appearance of middle classism to the neighbors and relatives; It had nothing to do with me or my upbringing! No one was showing me how to ski because they loved me! Or worried about my upbringing! These people could careless if I was dead or alive or neglected!

I went along with this narcissistic sycophant! Im pissed that I was brainwashed by this person! I had no business going skiing or doing anything else with this person; this person was not safe! Makes me ######6 mad!

So, all memories of this ski life must be destroyed!

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The house and the relatives;

The house was fake; it appeared from my innocent child view that the house was bought for myself and brothers as a family home for our upbringing! In fact, the progression from where we lived first, seems to indicate we are moving forward to a better place to live for my development! Wrong!

Nothing could be further from the truth! One thing that makes me sick about sociopaths! They lie to those around them by not saying anything! As a human being I would assume these people were buying a house for their children's development! Not so! They simply were getting into a new house! They will live they're a few years and move on; next time without the children bogging them down!

They will simply get rid of the children or exit the situation and move away! Or worse, stay in the area and ignore the children as if they had never met them! And this is a good probability! And that is exactly what happens!

My father; later, will ignore me as if he had never known me or met me! For this type of goon, only cares about themselves! They have no conscious!

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Relatives;

This is another example of the sociopath attempting to fool people!

In actuality; this sociopath; my father concept! He is feared by his relatives! They kicked him away long ago! He is not liked and feared!

He creates a family system of his own, and reappears to these relatives with this family system! He has told his wife to have children! She has them to make everything look smooth to this outer family system, that they are accepted by this bigger family system!

So, these 2 sociopaths have children and a family to;

a. Make themselves look presentable and responsible people!
b. " Get in" with the larger family system of relatives!

As a child; Im at my uncles! I just assume he's my uncle and he loves me and Im like any kid! But I am not like any kid! Something deep underneath is wrong!

My father is fighting with these people all the time! He claims they never have accepted him!

However, when I am brought to the relatives, they act nice around me! Im thinking Im part of the family! Im thinking my father is part of this family! He is not; I am not!

My father was not a part of this relatives family systems; he was a stranger, an intruder and an unwanted guest; he made everyone uneasy to what he was doing there1 Thy did not want him at their homes or in their lives ever, or; ever again!

I did not know any of this! I have memories around these people! I was feeling good because I have relatives; and I have family! Nothing could be further from the truth! These are strangers and I don't know it yet!
I was not wanted by these people; they did not want anything to do with me or the people that created me! I was an unwanted stranger as a child! I simply added more baggage to this man as he walked into his relatives lives unwanted! And I was unwanted!

So, all memories dealing with these relatives must go! None of this was legitimate! I had no relatives; it was all a lie!

I remember as a boy, playing tennis with my father! It was all a lie! He acted like he didn't have a dime to his name! He was living of his wife! He was playing tennis to act as if he had money and status! He had nothing else!

He was living for the moment at everyones expense! He was worse then a bum!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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