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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (951)
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- July 2019
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Changes

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 30, 2015 9:56 pm

I am waking up!
.

Im still very ill mentally and weak! The PTSD worlds rule my conscious! Im not present! Im still back in 1969 receiving presents at Christmas from my father in my neighborhood! I still think Im a little boy and loved! What those people did to me was barbaric! Ive been ashamed of all this for a very long time! What happened as a boy! That I still live in the past as a boy! And have no more training then a small child!
.

I go to meetings; I go to tell them Im on a disability of PTSD, and Im an addict of different sorts! Ive had problems with drugs and alcohol mixed with PTSD! Im a PTSD based alcohol user! Not now! But before for several years!

.
Im no different then someone fresh of the streets do would not have a ######6 clue how to survive or function in a normal society! I have no idea! My PTSD and dissociative disorder has kept me from interacting with people!
.

Letting go of the past is so very hard! In my case; we are talking about many many people; real people from my past! Who has the tools to deal with this?

.
I have to grieve and let go of many people! Im learning how! I never in this world would have thought I would have to! Im a peaceful lovable type of sensitive person who was thrown out into wolves; I was literally ripped to pieces!

.
Im now attempting to recovery from such situations! Im as lucky as you have ever witnessed in this life! Im not coming back to life with 2 many resentments! Its as if I was in a jungle, surviving, and now Im finally coming out of the jungle! I don't blame the jungle for being a jungle! I just want out baby! And Ill do anything and forgive everyone who is involved if I can get out of their and never go back! And it is this type of sanity that Im attempting to learn!
.

The first key for me is simply to for give everyone! Get the power of never seeing them again; get it out of my system and don't worry about it! One aspect of reality I came up with! Why would no one want anything to do with me! Are they evil or good! It does not sound to me like they are good people! With enough checking and investigation I find they are people lacking in conscious! The real problem then; Why was I associating with them in the first place!
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If you have no value for me! Why would I hang around you! If you hang with me at first, then I see you don't take me seriously! Something is wrong! I might be needy, thats why Ive been around you! However, something else is wrong! At a fundamental level; something is wrong! We are not friends! Thats whats wrong! How can this be! What happened here!

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Im a nice person! And I met people that I thought liked me but were at a different economic level! I have no economic level!
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I do not need to be ashamed for the progress Ive made! those who do not like me or care about my economic problems don't need to be around me anymore! they never should have been around me in the first place! snobs! but they are worse then snobs! they are worse! God does not want them in his kingdom! they cause to many problems for to many people!

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Im attempting to make goals for myself! its very hard to interact with things! Im trying! I just want to be around people that understand!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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