Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1005)
Archives
- August 2019
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Changes

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 30, 2015 9:56 pm

I am waking up!
.

Im still very ill mentally and weak! The PTSD worlds rule my conscious! Im not present! Im still back in 1969 receiving presents at Christmas from my father in my neighborhood! I still think Im a little boy and loved! What those people did to me was barbaric! Ive been ashamed of all this for a very long time! What happened as a boy! That I still live in the past as a boy! And have no more training then a small child!
.

I go to meetings; I go to tell them Im on a disability of PTSD, and Im an addict of different sorts! Ive had problems with drugs and alcohol mixed with PTSD! Im a PTSD based alcohol user! Not now! But before for several years!

.
Im no different then someone fresh of the streets do would not have a ######6 clue how to survive or function in a normal society! I have no idea! My PTSD and dissociative disorder has kept me from interacting with people!
.

Letting go of the past is so very hard! In my case; we are talking about many many people; real people from my past! Who has the tools to deal with this?

.
I have to grieve and let go of many people! Im learning how! I never in this world would have thought I would have to! Im a peaceful lovable type of sensitive person who was thrown out into wolves; I was literally ripped to pieces!

.
Im now attempting to recovery from such situations! Im as lucky as you have ever witnessed in this life! Im not coming back to life with 2 many resentments! Its as if I was in a jungle, surviving, and now Im finally coming out of the jungle! I don't blame the jungle for being a jungle! I just want out baby! And Ill do anything and forgive everyone who is involved if I can get out of their and never go back! And it is this type of sanity that Im attempting to learn!
.

The first key for me is simply to for give everyone! Get the power of never seeing them again; get it out of my system and don't worry about it! One aspect of reality I came up with! Why would no one want anything to do with me! Are they evil or good! It does not sound to me like they are good people! With enough checking and investigation I find they are people lacking in conscious! The real problem then; Why was I associating with them in the first place!
.

If you have no value for me! Why would I hang around you! If you hang with me at first, then I see you don't take me seriously! Something is wrong! I might be needy, thats why Ive been around you! However, something else is wrong! At a fundamental level; something is wrong! We are not friends! Thats whats wrong! How can this be! What happened here!

.
Im a nice person! And I met people that I thought liked me but were at a different economic level! I have no economic level!
.

I do not need to be ashamed for the progress Ive made! those who do not like me or care about my economic problems don't need to be around me anymore! they never should have been around me in the first place! snobs! but they are worse then snobs! they are worse! God does not want them in his kingdom! they cause to many problems for to many people!

.
Im attempting to make goals for myself! its very hard to interact with things! Im trying! I just want to be around people that understand!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 5974 times

Who is online

Registered users: 58gambling, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Homestead, lilyfairy, Majestic-12 [Bot], MicheleSkern, Pavlosxrx, Pavloszff, Tyler, WhyDoIExist