| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/changes_b-8132_sid-1ede19c4e541a7a48a93f4e6a5a61b5e.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 2:25 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Changes |
Never easy; always alone at best! thrown away! never any contact! Ive tried; its hard! Very few real friends if any! plenty of women interested; as long as Im interested in being a man in waiting; used when they want entertainment! and offers of sexual interests at times; Not interested; please, Im not into adultery against your husbands! ######6 people! Im in a real hard place! Im being block again at some meetings! Im stronger tho! Im not sure what to think! the support system I have is a skeleton crew! its almost nothing; no personal relationships! As I said; some women were interested as long as they get something out of it! it really makes me sick because they have their steady guy at home; but if I had more money, they'd leave him and move in with me! Nice! ----------------------------------------------------- Social development is the key! Im on disability; I don't know anyone! anyone decent! I know people from my meetings; and the ones that have been their for years are my friends! but they have there own lives; I don't have mine! and its a bit of an impersonal crowd! its better to have a life then hang out with them! Im alone; no family, nothing! its been this way all my life! They put me on SSI! and thats fine; I was nuts; very bad dissociate disorder with all the trimmings of PTSD long term and agoraphobia and AVPD! Interaction is where my work is leading me! Its very hard to have decent conversations with anyone! Im not appreciated by anyone! I go to the Gym! I don't like the staff; they are arrogant at times! I just want the respect I deserve! I get no respect; I get none of it anywhere! Its all horrible! I have to work with God and keep working at things! I have no life! Im not loved by anyone! My goal is to get strong enough with Gods help and build back a life! Meeting real people is very hard! meeting women is almost impossible! they are so ######6 immature! They just want to manipulate and get married! They sure as hell don't want to marry me; Im not a money successful guy! I see women as love; and I see them as a heart! I am to break down and unlock their hearts and find their essence! and fall in love with them! Do any of the women Im around want me; no! they see no value nothing! where do I go! I have no ######6 idea! I have to trust God and keep working at all this stuff! its crazy! The meetings I go to help; but I would like to get better and make some connections out side the meetings; meeting decent real people! this is starting to get sickening; the meetings I attend! Im not sure of my future! Im asking the Universe to bend toward me and help out! I have blogs! I hope to some day have a life; Im working on it! I dont fit into the family, business, house, care, dog, three kids, garage type thing! I wish I did! and Im not invited to be part of any of that anywhere! I have no family; I never have; not since 10 years old! Thats part of what Im healing from! I get taken advantage of! people think they know me! Not that anyone cares; they don't! but they don't know me! I would like to become myself again and meet decent people again! Im extremely lonely and starved for attention and belonging! its horrible! On Facebook I leave comments as if I know the person the first time I see their post! as if Ive known them for 20 years! I freak them out! Then I have to pull them of my account! Im in a very bad growing situation! its very hard! all of it! Im so alone; I hate it! Meeting women is possible; but they are all so ######6 shallow; its nuts! they don't want anyone decent; they just want money! they want to be taken care of; they have women they can talk to, to get their needs met! Women right me of as if Im a fool! ridiculous! and I wont change their minds! they can believe that till the day they die! I will silently sneak away; back out, and never return! Im interested in dating again! but I can't compete! I would like to find people like myself; like minded! I guess! |
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