Changes are happening...
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Im in the slow process of change; from the interests of a child to the interests of a man and adolescence and teenager... But.... The interests of a man have to be the forefront; unfortunately they are not; the child is doing all the leading; he gets all the interests and I dont get any... He gets all the attention.
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So; the attraction is in my childhood and Im attempting to work with God and my inner child to slowly help him get his needs met and grow; hopefully grow into an interest to join me the adult; well thats not entirely right. In think; for him to join the adolescence in me; connect to that; he is trying but 2 many years of neglect of from ages 3 to 7; these years must be filled in. Ive gone back and cleaned things up very well; got things back to stable but to many things missing; its a time of neglect that must be filled in; I have to get in touch with those feelings; align with them and work with God to fill them in with love.... so I can get stronger.
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The connection or attachment of the child to the adolescence stage is happening kind of; its trying to materialize; quantum physically speaking; its slowly showing up... Im missing things; Im dissociating as I write.. so; time periods of pain and loss are taking me over; the loss of my life and my house when young and my mother and father; the concept of them. I lost all things literally.
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Im needing more interactions with women and men; Thus to become myself.
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I need more interactions with women; bantering and fighting and spitting and slapping and chocking and kissing; wrestling.... and all other forms of general play.
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I need interactions with women thus creating social confidence again; that I believe again in society and those in it; In the past I ignored everyone; no longer cared; this is not working anymore. I have to create conversations with women and be myself; fighting back; arguing; showing my agenda; showing my opinion. In many cases I get mad at women because they don't understand me; or have to or want to. but also; they don't... So I have to show them; open up to them and explain it to them.
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I will pray for everything that I need. I will take it to God.
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The goal is to have my wife; and more n more this is looking completely possible. As I become up to speed and meet new people; Ill meet many women who can be my wife.... The key is being me again at the higher levels; the higher level me.... it will happen; I need more experience to build a bridge within the gap...