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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1005)
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- August 2019
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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change

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:33 pm

Change is upon me. I was crazy and disabled. I'm still disabled. but not so much pain. I'm still dysfunctional; I can't remember who I am; it's like I'm a giant novocaine bottle. I'm not in so much pain.
It's hard to break into self. I'm slowly getting there. the problem is; when I attempt to think about a positive outcome; my mind switched; dissociated into a horrible negative fear-based open terror thoughts. The goal is to get my thinking back; controlled. I dissociated and am mentally disabled. I can't get into myself. My mind switches whenever I attempt to get close, but at least I'm talking about it.
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ITs no game; My nervous system as I'm writing this is watching; I won't allow doing much more before switching. the past is a horrible nightmare I could not handle, and my nervous system doesn't want me dying again. It protects the whole system by switching and not allowing me to re-experience anything.
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I'm OK, but I'm in trouble. Id likes to know how to get back to where I was as a child. Meaning, independent on track. I'm not sure how that can happen; it's too much bad information coming in from the battle lines of the past; it knocks me out; and generally, my nervous system won't allow me to go there. I have to go there to get back my personal power.
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The goal is goals; the incentive is success based thinking. My goal is to know the goal; what goals do I work on now that will get me back to what I'm supposed to be when I grow up.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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