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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (943)
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- July 2019
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
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Starting from the beginning
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The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
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Massive Mega paradigm shift
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First post recovery conversation
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Dating and Art
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movement
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childhood abandonment
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Being single
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Preview: PTSD; High School
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Fear
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Ive found some answers
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D.I.D; let me introduce myself
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PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
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Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
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critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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change

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:33 pm

Change is upon me. I was crazy and disabled. I'm still disabled. but not so much pain. I'm still dysfunctional; I can't remember who I am; it's like I'm a giant novocaine bottle. I'm not in so much pain.
It's hard to break into self. I'm slowly getting there. the problem is; when I attempt to think about a positive outcome; my mind switched; dissociated into a horrible negative fear-based open terror thoughts. The goal is to get my thinking back; controlled. I dissociated and am mentally disabled. I can't get into myself. My mind switches whenever I attempt to get close, but at least I'm talking about it.
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ITs no game; My nervous system as I'm writing this is watching; I won't allow doing much more before switching. the past is a horrible nightmare I could not handle, and my nervous system doesn't want me dying again. It protects the whole system by switching and not allowing me to re-experience anything.
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I'm OK, but I'm in trouble. Id likes to know how to get back to where I was as a child. Meaning, independent on track. I'm not sure how that can happen; it's too much bad information coming in from the battle lines of the past; it knocks me out; and generally, my nervous system won't allow me to go there. I have to go there to get back my personal power.
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The goal is goals; the incentive is success based thinking. My goal is to know the goal; what goals do I work on now that will get me back to what I'm supposed to be when I grow up.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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