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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- October 2019
Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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change

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:33 pm

Change is upon me. I was crazy and disabled. I'm still disabled. but not so much pain. I'm still dysfunctional; I can't remember who I am; it's like I'm a giant novocaine bottle. I'm not in so much pain.
It's hard to break into self. I'm slowly getting there. the problem is; when I attempt to think about a positive outcome; my mind switched; dissociated into a horrible negative fear-based open terror thoughts. The goal is to get my thinking back; controlled. I dissociated and am mentally disabled. I can't get into myself. My mind switches whenever I attempt to get close, but at least I'm talking about it.
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ITs no game; My nervous system as I'm writing this is watching; I won't allow doing much more before switching. the past is a horrible nightmare I could not handle, and my nervous system doesn't want me dying again. It protects the whole system by switching and not allowing me to re-experience anything.
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I'm OK, but I'm in trouble. Id likes to know how to get back to where I was as a child. Meaning, independent on track. I'm not sure how that can happen; it's too much bad information coming in from the battle lines of the past; it knocks me out; and generally, my nervous system won't allow me to go there. I have to go there to get back my personal power.
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The goal is goals; the incentive is success based thinking. My goal is to know the goal; what goals do I work on now that will get me back to what I'm supposed to be when I grow up.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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