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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1029)
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- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Change are occurring; its not perfect

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Oct 25, 2019 11:09 pm

Im not awake yet;I can't fight back. Im slowly waking up and fighting back; responding to what I believe in regardless of those around me; but I don't have the strength for it. but Im doing better than before; I have a long way to go. Ive never had a family and never had anyone on my side so Im not sure how to stand up for myself; I had no safe place to do so. My goal is to become strong enough to stand up for myself; it's not easy; it's scary; I have to work with the universe for this. Im able to respond at some levels; Im not completely dissociated around others. The problem is; Im over whelmed by others; others have families and jobs and gain support through the day; I have non. I have to practice at places I visit and Im treated with indifference most of the time; so I have to fight to get attention when I should not have to fight this hard; Im an intelligent man; What does this suggest; it suggests a journey; to go to new places with open minded people that respect me for who I am.
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Im on a journey of personal development. Im all about developing the child within me until Im a full person again; fully standing and walking about with confidence. It can happen; I have to be in safe places for this to happen.
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Im not secure yet! Im not around people that respect me that I call home. But Im getting used to others barking at me and I ignoring it or showing my opinion and moving on or walking up to others to give my opinion.
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Im not there yet; Im not home orIm not accepted; nothing.
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Im a bit stronger then I used to be; but I need more love; more alignment; more experiences; more of it. The goal is to be around the right people; but with many people; Im nothing to them; Im never enough. Im missing credentials. Im not good enough. I get snubbed everywhere I go; who will accept me; where do I fit in. I don't have any place Im from. Nothing.
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I did not come from any family system; I was thrown away. So; who am I and where do I come from? Im getting stronger; its slow work... its hard work. Im trying to get my feelings back; own them; not be owned by the house I used to live in as a kid or owned by the people that used to live there; meaning the original family system I came from. The goal is to step out of the original family system I came from. Step back from it emotionally; this will take more time; I starting to wake up. The goal is to wake up and spit out this poisonist venom that still dissociates me from me. Im split into; I want to come together.
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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