Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (961)
Archives
- July 2019
Star trek
   Tue Jul 23, 2019 6:04 am
Writing new stories and meeting new people
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:25 pm
Can I love a women
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:44 pm
Never being loved
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:12 pm
High School
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:54 am
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Chance taking and trusting God

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:24 am

The last girl I was with was a chance taking situation. You never know what your going to get; I must let go of the outcome!

I fell for her a bit! I liked her and wanted to be with her! she said she liked me but this did not pan out! something was wrong or dishonest. Although she said everything was on the up n up.

When I told her I wanted nothing to do with her ever again; I saw her at the meetings. At the meetings she did not look hurt or seemed to care that she had seen me! she looked more concerned at the guy she gave rides that I was complaining about!

A young latin guy took an interest in her and she started giving him rides to the meetings. I told her to stop giving him rides and paying attention to him at the meetings. How is this new situation going to help us in our relationship development! She told me he meant nothing to her! she was not attracted to him.

The last time I was with her, he was getting coffee for each other and sitting together! She did not want to sit by me, she did not want to show public affection!

Ok; I finally broke it off with her! The next time I saw her she was looking around in the rooms trying to have eye contact with this guy when he walked in. I watch there glances together!

Now she has been gone for a few days and he's not at the meetings.... they both took an early leave at the same time? interesting...

heres my point! I have a higher power! and I must prey to him. I have no control over others. I have no control if they like me or use me or set me up and humiliate me! all I can do is walk away and not get involved.

Now that we are no longer together; they can do what ever they want publicly; if they are going out! None of it is my business at any level! She is a stranger again! if I feel horrible over things, I have to take it to a private place to let my feelings out!

having friends;

deep down Im a very friendly open person! Ive been crucified so many times in this world that I stopped associating with people! Ive had no friends to talk to or share my stuff with! this is one reason I write blogs; no one is interested in me. I find it horrible. Its murder!

The rooms of recovery help me with the recovery issues but never trust anyone! I am called a lier by people after Ive told the truth! They only care about personal status! I am not noticed by anyone!

Real friends are hard to come by! they must treat me with the social status I deserve; if they don't, I want nothing to do with them. Therefore, I am alone!

I sit by the coffee station at the meetings. I have to stop doing this. Ive been saying hello to people! now I see that others are forced to say hello to me because Im so close to the coffee machine! gosh; I thought it was me. I thought they liked me! time to wake up and learn!

I will sit other places!

Im preying for the day I get better and don't need others so much! I get judged for being weak when Im kind. Im around the wrong people!

Where do I find the right people! When will I be strong enough to look. Im a human being! I would like to be around humans... they are so treacherous. Murderers of one form or another!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 8552 times

Who is online

Registered users: Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, Exabot [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, IainEtc, jaymart, johnnylogen, LearningToo, Majestic-12 [Bot], pepera, Robert1971, SoxFan94, Squaredonutwheels, ThatsWhatIthought, Tyler, VioletFlux, Zor