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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (917)
Archives
- June 2019
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
Visualizations
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Chance taking and trusting God

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:24 am

The last girl I was with was a chance taking situation. You never know what your going to get; I must let go of the outcome!

I fell for her a bit! I liked her and wanted to be with her! she said she liked me but this did not pan out! something was wrong or dishonest. Although she said everything was on the up n up.

When I told her I wanted nothing to do with her ever again; I saw her at the meetings. At the meetings she did not look hurt or seemed to care that she had seen me! she looked more concerned at the guy she gave rides that I was complaining about!

A young latin guy took an interest in her and she started giving him rides to the meetings. I told her to stop giving him rides and paying attention to him at the meetings. How is this new situation going to help us in our relationship development! She told me he meant nothing to her! she was not attracted to him.

The last time I was with her, he was getting coffee for each other and sitting together! She did not want to sit by me, she did not want to show public affection!

Ok; I finally broke it off with her! The next time I saw her she was looking around in the rooms trying to have eye contact with this guy when he walked in. I watch there glances together!

Now she has been gone for a few days and he's not at the meetings.... they both took an early leave at the same time? interesting...

heres my point! I have a higher power! and I must prey to him. I have no control over others. I have no control if they like me or use me or set me up and humiliate me! all I can do is walk away and not get involved.

Now that we are no longer together; they can do what ever they want publicly; if they are going out! None of it is my business at any level! She is a stranger again! if I feel horrible over things, I have to take it to a private place to let my feelings out!

having friends;

deep down Im a very friendly open person! Ive been crucified so many times in this world that I stopped associating with people! Ive had no friends to talk to or share my stuff with! this is one reason I write blogs; no one is interested in me. I find it horrible. Its murder!

The rooms of recovery help me with the recovery issues but never trust anyone! I am called a lier by people after Ive told the truth! They only care about personal status! I am not noticed by anyone!

Real friends are hard to come by! they must treat me with the social status I deserve; if they don't, I want nothing to do with them. Therefore, I am alone!

I sit by the coffee station at the meetings. I have to stop doing this. Ive been saying hello to people! now I see that others are forced to say hello to me because Im so close to the coffee machine! gosh; I thought it was me. I thought they liked me! time to wake up and learn!

I will sit other places!

Im preying for the day I get better and don't need others so much! I get judged for being weak when Im kind. Im around the wrong people!

Where do I find the right people! When will I be strong enough to look. Im a human being! I would like to be around humans... they are so treacherous. Murderers of one form or another!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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