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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1033
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (905)
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- June 2019
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
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Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Cant feel anything

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Oct 23, 2018 9:24 pm

Im blanked out! cant feel anything; dissociative! I remember a mother that was a psychopath! I had no mother! could not develop a relationship; nothing ever existed! Thought as a small child; I would develop a beautiful love relationship with my mother and she would love me and see me through my young life! I had nothing! instead; nothing and then my full life being erased by the time I was 10; thrown away! all lost; everything from before that time period! no more house, no more neighborhood! no more relatives! nothing!
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Cant feel anything!

I want to love a mother; get love; give love like normal person!
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Wanting normal relationships; ending up with similar psychopathic relations to my mother; they end in catastrophe!
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Most of the women Ive taken an interest in are sociopaths; predators who hate men; see men as inferior!
The small child in me is attracted to sociopathic predator women; The adult in me is not!
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I do not see the sociopathic women as sociopathic to start with; she seems to me like a mother! Im going to have a relationship with her and save her and love her the way my mother needed to be loved; Im going to love my mother; save my mother the way a good boy should!
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The child does not see these women as sociopaths! The adult in me sees it soon enough! However, by the time I fuse both parts of my personality; Ive already been used and manipulated and thrown away!
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Many times these type of women have a man in waiting! they have a boyfriend; they see the innocent child in me, they deceive this child manipulate him, groom him into believing they are interested in me and single! Soon, the truth comes forth! I was used and tortured by the event!
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The point is; Im being tortured every time I get involved with one of these monsters!
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The goal is to learn to love again; give love; feel self love, receive love from a normal women; learn how! learn who!
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I dont want to be Captain save a Ho; not anymore! I dont know any different!
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I have to learn how to love again and receive love! I have to have my feelings back! Im working on it! ate feel safe to love and feel free again!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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