Im blanked out! cant feel anything; dissociative! I remember a mother that was a psychopath! I had no mother! could not develop a relationship; nothing ever existed! Thought as a small child; I would develop a beautiful love relationship with my mother and she would love me and see me through my young life! I had nothing! instead; nothing and then my full life being erased by the time I was 10; thrown away! all lost; everything from before that time period! no more house, no more neighborhood! no more relatives! nothing!
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Cant feel anything!
I want to love a mother; get love; give love like normal person!
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Wanting normal relationships; ending up with similar psychopathic relations to my mother; they end in catastrophe!
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Most of the women Ive taken an interest in are sociopaths; predators who hate men; see men as inferior!
The small child in me is attracted to sociopathic predator women; The adult in me is not!
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I do not see the sociopathic women as sociopathic to start with; she seems to me like a mother! Im going to have a relationship with her and save her and love her the way my mother needed to be loved; Im going to love my mother; save my mother the way a good boy should!
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The child does not see these women as sociopaths! The adult in me sees it soon enough! However, by the time I fuse both parts of my personality; Ive already been used and manipulated and thrown away!
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Many times these type of women have a man in waiting! they have a boyfriend; they see the innocent child in me, they deceive this child manipulate him, groom him into believing they are interested in me and single! Soon, the truth comes forth! I was used and tortured by the event!
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The point is; Im being tortured every time I get involved with one of these monsters!
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The goal is to learn to love again; give love; feel self love, receive love from a normal women; learn how! learn who!
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I dont want to be Captain save a Ho; not anymore! I dont know any different!
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I have to learn how to love again and receive love! I have to have my feelings back! Im working on it! ate feel safe to love and feel free again!