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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1005)
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- August 2019
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Cant feel anything

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Oct 23, 2018 9:24 pm

Im blanked out! cant feel anything; dissociative! I remember a mother that was a psychopath! I had no mother! could not develop a relationship; nothing ever existed! Thought as a small child; I would develop a beautiful love relationship with my mother and she would love me and see me through my young life! I had nothing! instead; nothing and then my full life being erased by the time I was 10; thrown away! all lost; everything from before that time period! no more house, no more neighborhood! no more relatives! nothing!
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Cant feel anything!

I want to love a mother; get love; give love like normal person!
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Wanting normal relationships; ending up with similar psychopathic relations to my mother; they end in catastrophe!
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Most of the women Ive taken an interest in are sociopaths; predators who hate men; see men as inferior!
The small child in me is attracted to sociopathic predator women; The adult in me is not!
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I do not see the sociopathic women as sociopathic to start with; she seems to me like a mother! Im going to have a relationship with her and save her and love her the way my mother needed to be loved; Im going to love my mother; save my mother the way a good boy should!
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The child does not see these women as sociopaths! The adult in me sees it soon enough! However, by the time I fuse both parts of my personality; Ive already been used and manipulated and thrown away!
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Many times these type of women have a man in waiting! they have a boyfriend; they see the innocent child in me, they deceive this child manipulate him, groom him into believing they are interested in me and single! Soon, the truth comes forth! I was used and tortured by the event!
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The point is; Im being tortured every time I get involved with one of these monsters!
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The goal is to learn to love again; give love; feel self love, receive love from a normal women; learn how! learn who!
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I dont want to be Captain save a Ho; not anymore! I dont know any different!
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I have to learn how to love again and receive love! I have to have my feelings back! Im working on it! ate feel safe to love and feel free again!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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