Im getting closer! Im tracing the problem area to ages 9 to 14-15-16 and above; its developmental stuff! I have to trust the universe will bring me the right people and places and things.
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I working with the universe; thats what counts!
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Ok; its the adolescence time period; its being redone or its being reformatted for the real first time! Im trying to squash the past; put a parking lot on top of it and start over; Im rebuilding a new building on top of it; the problem is; the past wont all go away just yet; I have to embrace it; feel it; be ok with feeling it and accepting it and letting that steam roll away! Its an all inclusive universe; the things that happened; all ready happened; and I have to feel them and let them pass and then call upon the universe for a whole set of experiences that build that time period once again!
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The adolescence time period has to do with the beginnings of girlfriends and best friends and work or school related future activities! IT has something to do with the beginning of young adult life; the pre developments of it!
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so; Im in the beginning stages of advanced adolescence and Im feeling it; Adult re training adolescence experience; Im being retrained in the adolescence period! This is not easy; its just starting; I way- do not have the strength for it; to stand up to people or relationships; especially romantic relationships! Im excited but more scared of relationships! They bring up my childhood and all that was destroyed and taken from me!
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So; Im looking to build that period between childhood and the beginning of confident adolescence; somewhere between the ages of 8 and 11 their is problems! Theirs a gap; their lies a gap between my childhood and adolescence years! a serious trauma gap; deep brutal gap that I have to cross! This is like trying to cross and ice mountain full of spiked peaks and dangerous ice creatures!
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We will see! I shut down as soon as I get close to this mountain of ice and snow and dirt and mud and savage mammals! We will see! Im trying to keep my eyes open for the first passage! Im on my way!