Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Breaking through 50/50

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Sep 27, 2012 1:27 am

Im in great pain.. My mind is in great pain.. Pressure succeeds from its ruptured center. However, this is not a bad thing.. The center is slowly giving way; giving way by choice of the alters that run it. My alters are becoming active in the present personality or along with it in cooperation. It will be a few years... Im heading in the right direction. My memories are slowly returning, and bigger trauma experiences are showing themselves. New directions are leading these trauma memories to outer vistas of hope acceptance and sunlight.

I have one big fisher-abyss area.. The great tsunami of reality breaks that occurred at 9 years old. This is ever so slowly being examined by many of me..

I am grateful to be alive and heading in the right direction.. Truly a miracle.. How many years did I spend as a lost forsaken throwaway human being with no future.. A giant pain amplifier soon to commit suicide again for the final resting place.

My mind is ripped apart.. The PTSD is a disability situation.. However, I can see myself reaching out into the community and doing more. I see myself creating the arts I've always been interested in. I see myself participating in things... having friends.

This past is resolved in a strange way; through understanding.. No one came back. Well, they did, I was able to resolve things with Gods help and about 12 thousand 12 step meetings and allot of yelling. Im still yelling, Im still going to meetings! The alters are in agreement, most, that the walls will come down and life will be waiting for me.. waiting to try again as a single person without the old family system or neighborhood, or old way of life.

I will create a new life outside the old boundaries and walls. The walls will come down and although I am damaged, this wont stop me from participating or creating things..

My mind is weak and will continue to be so. Work is out I think ( I don't know what to think of this) I suppose I should count myself lucky! if work participation is the only thing that stays destroyed.

relationships are possible with allot of education on both sides. I think! I will have to find out for myself in the real world before I start talk'n.

Participation in life is in, at small levels.

I will stay on social security.. I am 50 years old. Im not sure what to think of this... Im lucky to be alive, so I will learn to live with it.. And I will pray first about all things and all decisions with Gods help.

As I get better, people are slowly gravitating towards me... Its very interesting to watch.. Im still acting weird and defensive. Im learning...

Things are not perfect. I still have the anxiety disorder that is always on and about 50/50 in my nervous system and mind... It never goes away. Today!, its about adding life to the picture and reaching through the looking glass at new things...

AVPD is alive and well!

PTSD attacks happen.. It sucks. I turn into another person that wants to kill kill kill!

Im looking forward to being more present for creating in the arts.

Dissociative disorder is alive and well, better! Much better! Still causes mass problems, still, much better then it ever was...

Im not skizo like I used to be. And I don't think I will ever go back to that stage, I am to educated on my condition, and I have to many outlets for help... Never alone if I don't want to be!

The old family system is gone...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 59880 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot]