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OMNICELL
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One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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Brain washed

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:19 pm

Brain washed;

Thats what happened; Brain Washed by a psychopath! Thats what happened!

Part of my childhood was implanted with doom and hatred; and demoralization! This person would not have gotten at me but my father left and I was doomed!

I had my own ideas and life and plans! And then suddenly it was disturbed and taken over and I was over ran!
Scared, intimidation, frightened and horrified, I did not know what to do! I went into freeze mode and never returned! I never came back to reality!

I spent to much time around this psycho! This is a very dangerous and bad thing to do! This effected my ability to express myself and communicate!

Psychopaths attempt to manipulate with cohesion! They attempt to intimidate with threats! These are real threats! Life threatening threats and implications!

Psychopaths do not think right! They do not think like regular people and they attempt to take over your thoughts, your mind, your soul! It is their goal to destroy your identity and replace it with theirs!
You only job will be as an object to the psychopath! You will please them and do nothing more; you are a drone and nothing more! It's a hideous reality for some of us! I went through this! It's a scary ordeal as a child! Your frightened out of your existence and you do not know what is going on because you are to young to understand anything!

Its horrible to be dragged into this at child age! Its criminal! But thats what sadistic psychopaths are ; criminals! They hate and kill the society that they live in! They will start with anything they can get their hands on;; thus, children, if children are vulnerable and near!

My ability to respond and talk and express was completely ###$ up by this Psychopath! Years n years of trying to love or express or feel around this dangerous psychopath, ruined the trust of in n out flow of communication with humans! It got all ###$ up and wired around itself! I become mixed up in what is safe and not safe! Everything was not safe, so I learned to respond to the most illogical way of doing things!

Everything was under threat! If you did not agree with this person, you would be abandon! I was abandon anyway! And this monster would stop at nothing to destroy you if you lived with them or came near them!

I did go near them; this was my mother! But no mother! This was a fake! This was actually a sadistic psychopath discussing as a human mother! Remember; these are monsters; they have no remorse and they have no conscious! They are like giant lizards that prey upon the weak in the jungle that they feed! Mindless and heartless! Godless and sadistic!

=============================================================

I spent a long long time around this person getting screwed up! Now, I'm attempting to undo what was done! It's a slow boat rowing into this hell; but it will be done! Im feeling safer, a little safer! It's not perfect!

I finally dissociated out of reality and could no longer feel anything; and I went insane from many horrors of this and long term PTSD! It all turned into 100% dissociative disorder! Thank God, it looks like this bitch is not going to win! Or any other monster like her that hurts children!

These animals have no respect for children's rights! Children are easy targets for them!

Because I was innocent and a child, I continued to come up to her as if she was my mother! She was not; she was a psychopath! These are not human! You do not want to get near one; they are dangerous!

I made the horrible mistake of going up or back to this person over, n over n over until my mind was gone!

Human beings and psychopaths do not mix! A healthy human being cannot be around a real psychopaths for more then 3 minutes before you want to kill them! Really murder them! Kill them! They are verbally sickening afrontive monsters! They have no values or conscious when they speak or act! They say assault ve language with no regard to whom they are speaking!
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My ability to have my own thoughts and memories were destroyed! All things about my identity were destroyed! And this is the nature of the psychopath! This is what they naturally do!

They render their victims helpless by destroying all cultural and family system anchor points! They want to render their victims without any support of a human kind!

They are looking to render you useless! They want to turn you! Groom you, turn you into a human slave or captive! They like captives; weather animal or human! Humans are just big animals to these vermin! Vs smaller animals like dogs or cats!

The psychopath never changes! they will never be anything other then a psychopath! thats what why are

My emotions; the ability to emote in reality was destroyed! I could no longer feel anything! And I could not longer talk or stay present! The whole emotional and memory system was ###$ up beyond belief! Completely disabled! Almost completely shut down!

Long long term exposer to a psychopaths! And more then one of them!

=================================================================

Now, with much help from therapists and 12 step groups! Im beginning to re hab! Im starting to see the real me again that was closed down or hidden or shut off! the real me was hiding at a lower level in self! another personality took over to survive! a kind of soldier personality with 2 faces! one face was possible!~ hurt destroyed with rage!~ the other animal in me was a protector that would kill anything in front of me; a complete psychotic killer warrior for the cause! this personality would start a civil war and blow up the whole state that I lived in! war war war war war! real war! no gaming! lets go to ######6 war! kill kill kill! kill the enemy! interrogate them and kill them! kill they're their families and blow they're ######6 country to bits! Civil War!


Anyway;

Ive been working on things for a long time, and the buried me is starting to emerge! The whole thing is so very sad! However, its also way cool, that the original me is coming fourth intact with memories! Cant get any better then this!

Its way hard!

All of those memories are associated with a very bad person and a very bad time! It's a time I was brutally shut of from all that I knew!

Whats happening?: Im starting to get back the memories I had on the edge of this criminal take over! Before I was; in a sense; a real sense, abducted!

The goal is to take the real memories and do something with them; make them grow! Make the good grow and expand inward were their was no memories accept bad!

Imagine someone with no leg! An amputee! The idea is here is , get the good part of that leg to grow again; that spiritual leg! That human part of self! Get it to grow again and create a new limb! A new spiritual leg! A new identity!

Fill in the past, fill in the blanks! It will and can happen! And it is! Its hard! But it can happen!

The goal is to remember up to the last memories before I turned into someone else! Right up to the last memories! And then, start to uncover the rest of this original person layered under the newer ripped apart person!

It seems the real me is under the newer soldier surviver me! The soldier me is disappearing; fading away and the older, real me is coming back in to take his place!

The problem; the original me was developed up to 10 years old! I have to start their and start developing new stuff! This is not going to be easy! Its very slow and confusing!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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