Im writing allot of blogs! thats good, I cant wait for it to pass! meaning, I get more stuff out and be less sick!
I have no friends; as usual; Im an intelligent person! Im never hooked up with the right people in the right way for my abilities!
I was thrown away by sociopaths very very young! Im lucky to be alive! I had fair weather friends when growing up! if your in the neighborhood; your in! if you are forced to move away, they forget about you that much faster as if they never met you! ######6 horrible torture! Godless and unbelievable! you are truly sacrificed to death! I had no friends, it was all fake! How humiliating to put someone through this as a joke!
I should have been noticed for my abilities!! Nothing! I was treated like a worthless scumbag; a fool!
Now I understand more about the human condition!
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When it comes to women; it has not been good! I want women in their place! Im not their ######6 parol officer! Thats not my job!
Most women Ive dealt with are ######6 worthless! they are deceptive liars and opportunists and nothing else! I understand the need to survive! but to hate or disrespect honest people? No thank you! I want nothing to do with you! go find someone else please; I aint got no money!
I have not looked for nice girls; not yet! I dont know why! not yet! something thats coming in the future!
I have not had the ability to look for anyone!
The people Ive attracted or good looking and the wrong people! all of them! most of them; all of them!
When you have no money; and I dont! you dont get to have an attitude as I do! women dont buy into it!
Most women Ive met look at men as inferior and with contempt! certainly, these are not women i want to date, and soon I can see through them!
So, Im pissed of at having to take responsibility for women! Im not going to; they can go out with someone else! ###$ it!
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The key is sanity in the way of coming out of dissociative disorder!
I have massive PTSD problems! They are better now! or the symptoms are better! for the very longest time, I did not know who i was, or where I was!
Im not sure I know where I am now! I know the city Im in; I dont know why Im here or what Im doing here!
I stopped of here and stayed ever since to get recovery! I never wanted to be here! I never wanted to be anywhere, I just wanted to die!
God brought me here to learn to trust him before I die!
Im looking forward to being more of myself! and staying away from the wrong people! Ive sacrificed myself around others to not be alone! However, the stupidity of some would suggest I was around them because they feel they are Gods! and Im to worship them! Ive seen people believe I am worshiping them! I wasnt! they have big heads!
The goal is to let go and forgive and move on to God completely and forget all other things from the past; accept my first love! all other things are a lie!