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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (957)
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- July 2019
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Blogging is where I process

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Nov 25, 2015 12:15 am

I use blogging allot in my recovery process! its a safe place to tell a story and let things out and process past information!

!2 step groups let you talk for about 5 minutes!

Blogs allow you to write and express in a different hidden way then speaking at groups!

Im slowly looking at the development of social interaction! the skills to feel good enough around people! and communicate!
'
Im very confused about people! Im confused about being myself!

For many years I was owned by everyone and everything around me; I had no life, just contempt and hatred and anger! saying I had a right to things is fine; However, this does not solve any of the problems! This left me at a point of stand still!

The goal is to be the person I want to be! For many years I was like 4 different 8 year olds! I was never myself and I seemed to be controlled by everything around me! I had no plans! The idea of plans; destroyed young!

For me to regain plans is to see what destroyed me in the center of my face and mind! I could not handle that; I went through to much real abandonment!

All of this is very hard indeed! I believe Im at a place of learning how to trust God! and I hate it! its the last thing I wanted; to trust the Universe when it let me down in the past!

How do I start a new life! I have to have a foundation and the base must be complete that I can move on!
The foundation is based on a kind of middle class educated thinking process! this idea or conceptualization is in my mind! The problem begins when I need support! as I am a 10 year old when attempting these things and I need human support!

And its this human support I don't want to talk about! as this would have been the idea of safety and friends and family supporting me when young during my developmental years! just talking about it makes me dizzy and all ###$ up! It brings out PTSD! massively, I begin to shut down from dissociation! its very brutally ######6 hard to stay awake and see this stuff as it is!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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