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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Blog 74: Happiness

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:18 pm

Have you ever noticed, ever been through a situation where someone wants to steal your happiness or is jealous because you are doing well, or you are yourself. Its been that way all of my life. Im a kind of innocent simple basic intuitive person. Im sensitive. Im the type of person that wants to draw pictures outside on the grass while drinking a milk shake. Im the type of person that started out life drawing pictures sitting on the grass. I wanted to be an artist ever since, I never wanted to be anything else, And that is no one else's business. However, other people of lessor quality got involved and tried to destroy me. They almost succeeded. now Im attempting to go back to being that basic person that sits on the grass and draws pictures again... It was a time of being a child with no ego. I never wanted to have an ego or be anything other then myself. I was scared out of being myself. Then it was forced out of me, then raped out of me... I was destroyed by evil, very bad people. Im sorry it was from my immediate family system and there relatives. That is almost to much to bare.. However, it was, and Im trying to deal with it the best I can. I was sadistically used raped and thrown away. That is the best way to describe it.

The second issue came from the locals; I was suppose to have friends, best friends like my own brother, people I grew up with. A whole neighborhood full of family and friends. They all disappeared. They were all fair weather. None were ever my real friends. Nothing!, this is truly a torch I hope no one ever has to bare. Its a horrible horrible disappointment and treachery. My history was erased. I was erased out of existence. I would have died, no one was interested if I did....

I was sadistically and ritually raped and tak'n advantage of from the early ages, 0 to 3. This is where alters come from, this is where true dissociative disorder comes from... Very interesting... Very horrible. The was the beginning of misery. Later at the age of 9 it would start again…
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I am very lucky at this point. As I want to go back to being the person outside the cabin that sits by the lake, draws pictures, drinks mild shakes and thinks about the stars.. I end up with my own independent life. I realize the creeps I came from, what they are truly like, and never ever go back. They were liars and thieves of the worst white collar nature. No soul, depravity with no conscious about anything..

I still have allot of work to do concerning my mother. That is the scorching burning cinders that hollows my nervous system. Looking at that situation, the horrible despicable in-human treatment I went through, This will help to heal things more and more..

Im so different then the average monkey that doesn't think.. What I want out of this life is to be me, and to learn to protect and defend that position. Im not interested in being around others that want to mold me into there ideas or there imagery; that makes me sick!

I need to feel safe from my past and all involved, and feel safe finding myself when moving into the present.

Im a very simple low key person. I just want to create art work...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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