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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
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Three important conversations with women
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I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
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Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
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A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
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The Gap
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Teenage years
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finding and painting rocks
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Expressing my feelings
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I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
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Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
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The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
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A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
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Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
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Trapped between 2 worlds
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Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
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Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
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Plans from the universe; they have cometh
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breaking things and coming together
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What am I thinking about
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That breaking point
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Needing my mothers permission
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And another day
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Im so right in the middle of the promises
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whats missing with music; live playing
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Women and John Denver
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Bulling
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art images coming back and other things; taking action
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I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
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Blog 73: relationship consciousness

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:59 pm

I was hanging out with people that hated me.. I have to make sure in the future how not to do that.

I never knew; its freaky to look back on it now.. I walked into a den of black widows and never knew it. I even tried to rescue some of the black widows. I must have been crazy. They weren't my people. I was out of my league. I was out of my head. I was living in fantasy land. I was legally delusional.

I need to understand what happened and make sure it never happens again. I have to make sure I don't get seduced by money, or big houses or boats or big names again. I really got seduced and caught up in the big name thing. The families with the big names, families that had money. I thought I was worth it. I didn't have anything, and it would be made very clear and very abruptly that I had nothing, and that it was time for me to leave. That my heart had no value, or its love for anyone from these families. it was a horror show for me. I don't ever want that to happen again. I valued myself with someone else's outsides. I cannot allow that to happen again.!

I felt that my worth was weighed in gold. real Gold!, I was a quick entertainment to these high echelons. The real me had no value to anyone. I was the biggest laughing-stalk. I did know I was being made a fool of.

Im going to have to rethink what I judge has important and what is not important. Iv'e learned that high economic are something I don't have, therefore its better to stay away. To many people are turncoats.

I went to each person for friendship. They never sought me out. Not one. I promoted myself. It was never attraction.. Ive learned the difference.

I thought I found nice people. None are nice!.. I have to learn what discernment is...!

Some of these relationships went on for months and years, all false. I was being used, I was being hated at the time and didnt know it.

I will talk it over with my therapist!!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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