Self help meetings, nothing new; I have to go. God has ordered me back into the rooms. With That,
Any group is a society!
Societies I don't like; small minds talking behind my back, I don't like. I don't like disrespect. Im an honorable decent person, an honorable respectable man, not some scumbag.
When I tell a man the truth, I don't except him to question it, or to question me! If a man hints at calling me a lier, Im through with him. Nothing is more horrendous then an honest man being called a lier.
What you think of me means nothing. Get a life. I am not your hobby. I'm not your Vodka so stop drinking me.
2 Faced:
One type of animal I assume to die in the jungle and never return, and If they do, I will help the extermination process. Thus, this animal is the " 2 Faced". Shiftless, sinister, laoth'm creatures causing trouble for any unfortunate stealth wondering in wrong paths, this animal is the cause of group problems.
When I first got involved with groups, people thought I was shady, later they called me shaky, later they called me crazy. This went on for a great while. And to the present; now they call me lazy! This never ends!
I will not , nor do I bow down to anyone. Only God will I bow. to the District Attorneys office I will bow onto one knee, I wont budge for the system more then that.
The human-being spend more time on its popularity then its journey. Seeking others approval, less time on honesty, more time play acting some type of thug-tuff role. The last thing I want or need is to be caught in the middle with these imaturities. On the tightrope I am forced to dance on.
I am complaining severally, I am lucky to be alive, I am grateful for the help:
The recovery process is a ruff and humiliating process at best. One feels good after the sun tan, not so good in the receiving process. The tan looks good, the hours sitting in the sun, not so fun. If God says "get a tan, it will make you feel better", I go. I don't question the masters orders. I do as I have been commanded. I worship God, I trust my master. This is possibly why hatred is thrown my direction.
Women of importance especially loath me. I have a strange way of pointing out that, life is more then finding those with social status and position. Not all women hate me,
I am loved by mothers; It has something to do with there children. Children feel safe around me. They run after me, they never leave me alone. I will kill anything that moves around them that would harm them, and there beaming bright faces now it. I love them like God loves them, like God loves me. I would kill for them or starve for them.. It kills me all day long, what is happening to them on this planet, this earth. Poor children. Poor children. I pray all day and night to God. " God please help them!, it is not my fault; You know that God! I would do more if I knew how, forgive me for not protecting your children Father, I don't know what to do, For give this country for killing, raping, abandoning your children, we have gone mad God, we have gone mad".
Mothers hate me; As soon as there daughters turn 18, there daughters start looking at me in a different way. Its not my fault. They picked me, I didn't pick them... And so many of them...
My reputation is worthless and yet has no value, As I am around people that have no clue has to the value of a good name or its deeper meaning. I am judged for competition purposes, much like a dog is judged for its grooming characteristics in a local Dog show. One is put on display, Thus a public figure is created. A public figure within a group.
And all of this I go through, following my Master, following my therapies, following my alters, following myself, that I my have relief from the mental disorder, from this life, from myself.