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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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re changing the present
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BLog 40

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Mar 16, 2012 9:37 pm

Im not Brian... Ive been telling myself this all day... Ive been through this before... Before, when I would ride my bike and cry... I would tell myself that I don't know that person, its not me.. Im not named Brian... Who is Brian and why do they keep calling me this name.... Ive never been brian ... I don't know him... I feel like Im getting smothered when they call me this. I don't know how to respond to it. I feel much better being me... not him.... IVe never been him.. It is him that has caused all of this.. All of this upheaval. All of this pain.... I hate having to respond to him... Im not him. Why wont they leave me alone.. What did I do to deserve all of this... Im not the one suffering , he is...
Im the one that plays the drums.... Im the one that pays the bills not him... He plays outside... He rides the bikes...... At-least when he was young he would ride bikes. When he was 8 years old... by the time he was 9 he was dead... .

I feel more myself when Im not him..... When Im him I secretly want to be me... Im always me.. He is the secret... When others call me Brian I get nervous and don't know how to respond... Im not sure what they want or who they are talking to.. or talking about.. Im not sure. I know they want something. A little I don't have...

I don't know my name.... Im not sure... Im sure who I am...... Im not Brian... Brian Died... he has been gone long ago..... I don't like it when my personalty has to change. Change into something or someone I don't like just to feel safe... I don't want to change or shift anymore... Im not sure how the world looks Or who I am...

Who sent that stupid letter to that women. It wasn't me.. I wouldn't involve her in my business or make deals with her... This is crazy.... She thinks Im crazy. She doesn't understand, it wasn't me. I would never make deals with her. I would never get involved with her in the first place. It was brian coming up from the dead again...

Brain cant make decisions... that is because he is dead... Someone else was making the decisions... Hmmm... Someone else....

People think they know me. They do not.. I am secretly me not him... When the time is right I will reveal myself.... But why. Why do I have to....

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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