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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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BLog 40

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Mar 16, 2012 9:37 pm

Im not Brian... Ive been telling myself this all day... Ive been through this before... Before, when I would ride my bike and cry... I would tell myself that I don't know that person, its not me.. Im not named Brian... Who is Brian and why do they keep calling me this name.... Ive never been brian ... I don't know him... I feel like Im getting smothered when they call me this. I don't know how to respond to it. I feel much better being me... not him.... IVe never been him.. It is him that has caused all of this.. All of this upheaval. All of this pain.... I hate having to respond to him... Im not him. Why wont they leave me alone.. What did I do to deserve all of this... Im not the one suffering , he is...
Im the one that plays the drums.... Im the one that pays the bills not him... He plays outside... He rides the bikes...... At-least when he was young he would ride bikes. When he was 8 years old... by the time he was 9 he was dead... .

I feel more myself when Im not him..... When Im him I secretly want to be me... Im always me.. He is the secret... When others call me Brian I get nervous and don't know how to respond... Im not sure what they want or who they are talking to.. or talking about.. Im not sure. I know they want something. A little I don't have...

I don't know my name.... Im not sure... Im sure who I am...... Im not Brian... Brian Died... he has been gone long ago..... I don't like it when my personalty has to change. Change into something or someone I don't like just to feel safe... I don't want to change or shift anymore... Im not sure how the world looks Or who I am...

Who sent that stupid letter to that women. It wasn't me.. I wouldn't involve her in my business or make deals with her... This is crazy.... She thinks Im crazy. She doesn't understand, it wasn't me. I would never make deals with her. I would never get involved with her in the first place. It was brian coming up from the dead again...

Brain cant make decisions... that is because he is dead... Someone else was making the decisions... Hmmm... Someone else....

People think they know me. They do not.. I am secretly me not him... When the time is right I will reveal myself.... But why. Why do I have to....

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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