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Blog 36

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:54 pm

Maybe it was never America I was talking about. Maybe it was me!

Most of the people I meet out here in LA LA land are criminals/sociopath/personality disorder/Narcissist. Im wondering if this is all Im going to ever meet. Is this all that is left of my land. Boundary breakers, Family wreckers, and Liars.. Is that it... O yes? THe tuff guy.. A real man knows his boundaries when around another man. Their are rules. Theirs a 3 feet rule. Get closer and you get shot... Its as simple as that.. No respect, then meet God.... Most of the men that I meet are punks. They hide behind their social security numbers... knowing that they cant back up their mouth or actions. Its the local Judiciary system that backs them up. They run to the cops and the judge.... I hate these pigs.. They are wrecking my country.. Everything these days is wrecking my county. I don't recognize the place anymore..( ITs like living in a south of the boarder cesspool...[What about Norma, She is mexican]. Am I talking about her when I say South of the Boarder cesspool? No! of course not). This leaves me with questions.)

- My country is now a socialistic nightmare... the days of free speech or the right to pursue happiness are over.. Its true that it could be worse, this could be N Korea and I could be starving to death... Somehow I think I might take that rout... To be in a society of criminals like in America is to much. Im not talking about the Government), of course the government is sociopathic Elite. Worse then criminal, more sadistic sociopath.. Breaded that way... Hilary Clinton is a good example of this.

The citizen in America:
I am fearful of the next door neighbor far more then Iran or China or Soviet Union. The American is Godless, has been lied to, and believes the lie, And believes they are owed something by everyone with a mix of Sociopathic PTSD mixed in.. just enough indifference to make it equally implorable to prohibit anyone in proximity to experience freedom and a peaceful way of life...

I remember when God was in the schools. None of these problems exist.. When God was taken out of the school systems the children were left with nothing. Nothing but becoming test tubes for the state... 3rd world values and rituals..

The honorable man is dying in my country And nothing can be done about it.. Respectable people are no more... poor children! Poor people! Its my fault... Im part of it.. I feel ashamed that I could not do more... That I could not do anything to stop this..

Maybe it was never America I was talking about. Maybe it was me!

But what about me! What am I really saying, that I cannot accept my forced role in life. That I feel I have to live out this "one life" in exile, alone. Im forced by my thoughts to see things in only one way.. So much PTSD rushing through my brain... I cannot be, or remember, or be me.... This is the hardest part of being. Ive been here before, it creates the makings of a break from reality.. I cannot be forced to deal with the PTSD and the outside world. I will not be condemned because I don't function like other people in the outside world. I never have functioned . I never will. To much was taken from me when I was to young, year after year after year of it. condemned to an island of hell. I am lucky to be alive. The Dissociative disorder is more then an anxiety disorder, much more. The Anxiety disorder is much more, and not the same as anxiety.. Why they created the same name for these 2 different states I don't know...
My feeling is that I cannot be... Nor can I be what you or anyone else wants me to be. I am disabled, and always will be... I am almost 50 years old... It will take another several years just to think in terms of entering the world again at any angle... Just because I walk through it does not mean Im in it. Or that Im home.. Im not even sure who's house Im in. I cannot guarantee stability, even if you see stability. Are you sure of what you see, or are you treating me as an object for your interests and manipulations. I have found that most people turn on me when I refused to be used by them... And I am suppose to guarantee that I will go along with people on this, am I?
I am left alone... Alone is all I know... I am a nice person, However, I am alone and I may always be... Its a strange thing not to be respected or noticed as a person. Im a fine upstanding person... No one sees it or cares,... Nothing. I live in the land of the sociopath.. I am alone-

What is happening in American is a form of Auto Genocide...

"gen·o·cide   [jen-uh-sahyd] Show IPA
the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group."

"The self as an individual person is the object of his or her own reflective consciousness" I believe this is sacred, no one has the right to go so deep into a person as to infect this "Reflective consciousness" with spiritual persuasion and terror. The reflective consciousness is being raped and destroyed in American.. Thus the individual is destroyed, It is the mind of a person that is being blown apart.. Its a mind war... or Reflective Genocide..

What is being destroyed is the very inner fabric of self and identity, Its the inner self that outer sickness infects..The downhill spiral it creates has began... The problem? Nothing can stop it!.. I don't see this as something that will reverse itself. This is different then the idea of each generation having its positives and negatives and overcoming those negatives.. Something is different. Something else is going on. The systematic destruction of a nation from its deepest caves. These caves used to be sacred caves. Now they are non Bastian whores for any country to trample... Negated Bastian shores for a day of play rent.

Maybe it was never America I was talking about. Maybe it was me!

Why am I bringing all of this up... I have to make a choice, Or choices about living in this society... I used to feel that America was a cave that anyone could hide in. Not anymore. Nothing is safe. So many people are posers or liars or both... A whole system of fakes looking to get to the brass ring.. Great, Get to the brass ring and be worshiped by proven imbeciles. Wow, Im now the king of the imbecile. NO THANKS!! Its all to much for me.. All of this.. However,Im alive and going outside. To what!, I don't know? Ive been in my own world. Ive expected death. It did not come. I didn't die. I prepared for death like a picnic prepares for a fruit basket carrying the hand of a brilliantly colored socialite . I never thought I would stay alive! Now what.. After years of recovery work, I head outside... I don't recognize this place or the people. Ive been in a prison all of my life and never knew of something new.. Im not sure what to think. I leave one prison for another... that is the way of things.


Brain death + laughter+ reflection = Reflective Genocide...... The basic IQ of American has dropped in all directions...

Trust in emotional IQ+ Mind death+lack of questioning =cultural IQ

Low emotional IQ+Low intellectual IQ+Low Cultural IQ= death to America as I know it.. Thus the end is coming!

Maybe it isn't about the death of America , Maybe its about me! I want it to be the same as it used to be. I didn't give America the right to change or go forward.. I don't want to loose the only vision I have ever felt safe in...

I don't mean to rant on and on about me.. Im all alone... When I look around, I only see one reflection looking back. " me" To many "Me's" Forced narcissism.
Last edited by OMNICELL on Fri Mar 09, 2012 1:06 am, edited 4 times in total.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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