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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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BLog 34

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Feb 28, 2012 10:12 pm

15 years, thats how long Ive been at this, Recovery work... Im at the point that my therapist and I believe therapy is not necessary anymore. I see her once a month. I will see her once a month for a long time I believe. Im talking at her and telling her where Ive been and what Ive been doing. Im not doing therapy. Im coffee hocking with her... Chatting, checking in. Nothing wrong with that! ITs all good. Its a safe place to go...

Therapy is for those that need the other person to help; learn how to complete thoughts that are hidden through trauma, for a safe place to go, to gain feedback, to grow up when maturity has been destroyed through the process of living on planet earth, and many other things, to discover secrets and get them out.. Relationship evaluations, all kinds of stuff..

Im at the point that I can fetch my own solutions... Its not easy, Im all messed in the head, yet, I don't need the therapist to help me start at 0. Ive learned how to get to the start line. I could not do that before.. Before I was not home... I was death, and death became me...

ITs an interesting place to be... Not fixed, yet I know to much to be in the therapists office. Hmm.. That leaves 12 step groups and psych groups, church groups, personal relationships...

The general public makes me ill from all the judgements they lay on me. How ever I appear, I get judged. How I look and act, I get judged... No one cares.. They just want to have fun judging... Ive been through to much to allow these kinds of people into my life. HOwever, When one is desperate for love or attention or "human anything", I will hang with anyone not to be alone... Alone was horrible.. Im still alone when Im in a crowd of judgers. I want nothing to do with them. I have nothing in common with them. It ends up in a fight of some kind. Even if that Psych fight is covert and done on a distant soil.

Personal relationships: Hmm.... I don't know.. When I fake it till I make it, the average monkeys tell me I don't look like I have any problems. Even thou Im tapping, dissociating, writing with my left hand to integrate alters, and staying physically far away from people. No! this last paragraph sounds like a normal well adjusted person.. Healthy , outgoing friendly....No problems here. Glad I don't have a gun and PTSD triggering... Hmmmm..... Hope my alters don't came out....

Some people have tried to lay the emotional blackmail trip on me. Ive been told by "Da group", that they do not approve of the way I live.. that I must have character problems... It wouldn't have crossed someones mind to ask what was wrong. they wont, in order to do that , they would have to acknowledge that Im a human bing. And that would bring them down from their government style positions..These positions are of lies and ego.. Just being in the same room with me makes them ill. I am an honest man, it oozes from me.. It oozes all over them and there black stained conscious...

There are 2 types of people; Those that like me for who I am, and those that have no friends, just interests... Im afraid those that practice relations for the sake of interests do not get along with me very well... I don't have much in this world. So, I am looked over, passed by, Neg'd. Negated out... So many people looking to score the big brass ring.. Im nothing, not to the type of person that is looking for popularity and status... Im just myself, nothing more...

I am a nice person. . Im a genuine person, I attract personality disorders no matter where I go... LOL.... Hmmmmm..

Working on;
Music
cleaning clothing
cleaning apartment
bike maintenance

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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