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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Blog 32

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:15 pm

Fear:

Im hitting knew levels of readjustment of the condition... The readjustment is the resurgence back into society. What is society. . What does it mean.. What does it mean to go back into society.. what has been society. What will it become..

ITs so small. The steps.... I am different they I once was. I am two people. One is curious, The other pathologically suicidal. One part wants to connect. The other wants to fall into deep deep sleep for ever. Both sides meld into each other... And many other faces appear at once,

I get hit with anxiety, PTSD style. Not fun....

I don't feel safe showing up to anything on time. I feel like Im going to be raped if Im controlled in this way... And many more things I am afraid of.... Phobic things. Things I cannot control.

I am paranoid in the real world. Connection creates fireworks... I can take very little connection with the outside world.. I seize up... I dissociate. I am very lucky to be as far in the recovery process as I am...

Dealing with the shallow outside world is an art form....

I am not of the middle class. I am of the Psychiatric class.

I have been sick all of my life. I am now waking up again.... Some of me is waking up. I am still 2/3rd s sickness. I have a window open to the outside world... A window of opportunity.

I am sad/I am happy

I am curious

I am still disabled....

To be safe is to be alone... To be dead is to be alone.... To be alive is to live in a sanctuary...

Acceptance is the golden key.....
Last edited by OMNICELL on Wed Feb 22, 2012 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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