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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1033
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (905)
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- June 2019
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
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intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
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Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
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Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Blog 26

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:08 pm

BLogs are very important to me. They allow me to communicate and express how I feel on a daily basis. No one can jump in and shut me down... Its not about you. Its about me. I write for myself, not for the viewer. This is therapy away from the therapy office. Its about dumping stuff and getting on with the day... I deal with enough judgments from people during the day to make me sick. Im very defensive, Im not around friendly people. Im around judgmental people. So, having safe places to express myself is important...

I was reading someone else's blog and realized they were talking about something other then themselves. They were talking about an adventure. Or something that excited them... Something outside the mental illness frame work. Although they have mental illness, they never mentioned it. An adventure steeped in colors and mystery, that was the subject. This shocked me. As Ive always hoped that someday when my mental illness problems left, I would start concentrating on something else.. It never happened.
I still have the mental illness, I still concentrate on the mental illness.

I have no illusions, Im here at this site for one reason. To get better. Being on this site has helped a great deal. It has been confusing at times... It has helped...

I believe Im moving away from victimhood, Im moving into a "present space" Very slowly. Victimhood requires letting go of the past. Those I loved and the dreams I was hoping to fulfill with there help are gone. This is hard on my nervous system. I wanted something out of the deal. If I could not get love from all of this I wanted some kind of compensation from my past holocausts. However, the reality is I will gain nothing. I cannot drink nectar from ghosts,. I end up alone and confused. I end up seeing reality for what it is and starting point. This time I will wait and heal before I start something , or invest my life in world with no guarantees...

I have to remember to retreat and hide. Take a break and retreat and hide for awhile.. And stay away from hate people. Yet, So many of them...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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