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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1140)
- January 2021
Connecting the 2 halves
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 6:00 am
Now Im starting to get it
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 3:35 am
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Jun 02, 2016 4:01 pm

Im learning again how to believe! It has nothing to do with age! It has everything to do with recovery work!

I am studying the Laws of attraction and successful thinking! Im studying this success based process after the 12 step work! After the resentment work and the forgiveness work! Im studying this after I got honest with other people; really honest and was able to accept myself in reality at a high enough level to be solid!

Beliefs are thoughts! Limiting beliefs are thoughts! When I attempt to think about being more then I am; I get hit with insecurity and pain! And I pull back under the umbrella of limiting thoughts!

However, I have other systems I use today! One major concept is to write out my future as if I already have it! I have about 15 different direction for this; anything from Soulmate to truck to house, to friends, to trusting God!

IVe mentioned this stuff several times in these blogs! Same stuff; different day!

Im learning; when I get hit with limiting beliefs or thoughts that cause great pain through disappointment; I turn it around! I start imagining in First person point of view that I have full range of the Universe to be what I want to be and succeed at anything I choose! I don't attempt to simply break the old beliefs! Instead I concentrate on what I want for the future! I visualize it!

For example! Im a composer artist that needs a practice room; I could bitch about it! I do! It's not fair! So, I turn it around; instead of being a victim; I begin to imagine Im in my new practice room; Im lovingly and gratefully pulling the mic toward my mouth with my right had as I sing! And I can see the mic in front of me! And the door is shut to this practice room!

So, I will see myself in my new practice room; in a new created reality; instead of staying in this boring defeated reality of the present! And this reality causes pain; the present reality! Its easy to become a victim and start clambering about the problems of the present and about what I do not have! And I fully understand the fear and helpless terror of it all! However, Ive learned, turn it around; start looking into the imagination and imagine and write this out; imagine Im already in my practice room and Im practicing what I love to do! And do this over n over n over; every day! Several times a day! Visualize several times a day! Add feelings of enthusiasm and excitement! The Universe will match it and light up a trail that will take me to it!

The point is; this is the way out of defeating thinking!

As for the rest of the negative thinking; Im either spray paining and cutting up the memories of negative thinking or Im forgiving and blessing those people that keep popping into my head that I don't life! I forgive and bless them and pray they have everything I could ever want in my life! I prey this 20 times for my enemies and 20 times again! And again and again!


What happened to me was in childhood! Im almost 54 years old! This should tell the reader the horror and horrible level of destruction this abuse had upon the children involved!

Im lucky to be coming out of the mental conditions!

My goal was to become the middle class person I was as a child; or started to be; and finish off where I started! Continue on as this middle class identity! None of this is easy! But Im getting it!


I was talking at a meeting tonight and claimed; Im finally over my parents! Everyone clapped; it was kind of a joke! But it's not! Because what I was suggesting was; Ive processed everything or allot of stuff from my past to the point that I can move on;' and I did!

Im now attempting basic social stuff on my own! I no longer need my parents or anyone else! Im fine l; Ill take care of it myself!

I filtered through my past using the 12 step system, and therapists! And many other things! At some point; you get it! Your just rehashing what they did to you or stole from you!

At some point you realize; they are all sociopaths or psychopaths! And you have no family!

When I was very young; I look back and wonder why the other brothers did not say something to me of the nature of this sick in human family system! and I realized; they were not brought up like me1

My brothers were destroyed when young; and they were inline with the psychopaths! That is why the household did not seem out of order! I wondered why my brothers were so different then me; so Un friendly and not into school or learning or popularity! And now I know why; they were destroyed when very young and shut down! And I would experience this later at the age of 10!

It meant nothing for my brothers to move to another location or have another torn apart neighborhood experience where they were torn out of their home! It happened for them several times!

For me; I was not prepared for this! Psychopaths are dangerous people! They will leave you stranded at any moment! They are not safe! They can play act you're a middle class kid living in a normal neighborhood; then suddenly give you away to the state!

Where other parents would joke with their children for sending them to the orphanage or having them chased around by bad people; In the case of the psychopath! It's not a game! They will do it and do it at will; regardless of the outcome! For the psychopath; children are useless baggage! Once the children are exploited; they are thrown away!

Is it possible for me to be me again! It is! It is now!

Time is not the issue; work is the issue; working at the recovery process! And today, I can ask God to create support for me, that I not be alone!


So; what does it feel like to reconnect again social; it feels very upside down and imbalanced! Im not used to being this strong with others up close and personal! Im not used to social connection!

I feel upside down when I shake someones hands because Im more present now!

To have a women stand in front of my bike and talk with me and flirt! Its strange! Its social all over again! And its all working to bring me back!

ITs hard; I have no one; meaning, Im alone going through this process! Im working on visualizing a soulmate!

Im slowly getting back to the point of girlfriends! More social needed! But Im getting their!

You have to ask people out! And Im going to need to be around a much deeper well of education and intellect to find the women Im seeking!

So, the point is beliefs!


The psychopaths took away my ability to think; Im taking it back! It's sickening! The whole thing is sickening! I have to take back my thinking, and pick up my life and start over as if nothing has happened! Its horribly sickening! However, I must work on the specifics of my thinking in the imagination areas! The challenge is imagining things that are " up close and personal"! Imagining Im with my child and wife in my new house; or truck!

Imagining Im doing art work close up or music stuff; singing into a microphone! These type of visualizations are hard; Im doing them! It working! This is the part of my life and thinking that was stolen from me! Its in this area that I own my life; what I do with my imagination! Imagination is freedom! I decide in my imagination; what do I want to do when I get up in the morning!

I have some hope concerning my thinking and the use of my imagination to create my future! It's working! It will take allot of work and go through allot of pain!

My thinking was demoralized and shut down by bad people when I was a child; people I did not know about! I did not know what they were! And I was toppled and destroyed! Any one can be destroyed! But who wants to! I mean; who wants to destroy people! One is unprepared for such inhuman things!

So, Im exited to get my thinking back; Im starting to imagine what it would be like to have my soulmate wife, and children and house, and career! And money; and vacations and many other things associated with living a life! I don't have to worry how it's going to happen! I just have to keep developing it in my imagination and learn to believe!

And Ive noticed that most of the things I want in this life are in life! Many average people have all the things Im talking about!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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