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OMNICELL
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Being single

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am

Maybe Im suppose to be single until I die; Maybe Im not suppose to be with someone and fall in love or have someone; Im suppose to be alone the rest of my life.
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Im 56 years old and have had no one. I do attract women I guess. but Im not around any women I want to date. nothing.
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Im around no middle class people; no middle class women.
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My interest was an Asian soulmate. And; nothing!
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My interest was an Asian soulmate that liked telescopes and astronomy and star parties. Nothing.
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Nothing....
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Emptiness.
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I don't get why I deserve this. what did I do to the universe to piss the universe off this much to deserve this. Why is this so hard. Where are the people for me to date.
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I dont have any money; that eliminated 75% of the women I would be interested in; or 90%
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I guess I could put myself out their; but where. And Ive never had a girlfriend. Nothing that I actually wanted to date. Someone I actually liked or thought of as an equal. Or loved being around or thought was so adorable I wanted to stay with them for the rest of my life. All that happened is; Im getting old; thats all thats happening.
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I just dont get it.
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I have no thoughts; no movement but desolation when I think about women; I see nothing. I see no worth. Nothing.
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I see walls up in every direction; I just wanted to meet a nice person that I thought was adorable. cant the universe bring me someone. No? cant? Im I really suppose to spend my life alone. Really!
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Using the laws of attraction; I never got the guitar or implanted teeth, or camper can or truck or car or road trip or vacation or Asian soulmate. Or anything else. Never got a place to look at the moon at night. My telescope just sits in the apartment. I hate taking it outside unless its my own backyard. Im not interested. I prayed about this. Nothing. No house.
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I was playing drums; now; nothing. That didnt work out.. I dont get it.
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I dont get any of this. At times I just want to die.
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Most of my experiences on earth; I just want to die. I've always wanted to die and leave this planet; I've needed these goals to give me substance. but the universe is not helping me. Nothing is happening. Nothing.
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Am I suppose to be single. really. Is that all the universe is worth. Nothing!
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The universe cant being me a first girlfriend. No! That I might experience being with someone I actually feel safe with.... at least once in my life....
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Where do I meet these people. I have no idea. Nothing. Im terrified of not being enough of anything in any direction. I have no money; so I have no power. No car..
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Maybe Im suppose to be single and die. Maybe; then why put out all this work. For what.
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What am I suppose to do. I have no real friends; nothing. why! Im an intelligent man. Why is all this happening to me. why?
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My talents dont make any sense; nothing does. Im just getting older; thats all thats happening.
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As for women; I have no clue; the universe is not bringing me anything; Im not attracting anyone.
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Ill keep at it for kicks; I dont know what to do.
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IVe had some Asian women walk by ; they look at me like their superior to me; Im nothing. OK; what good did that do.
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Im not sure why the universe is not helping me. Im so tired of investing in the universe; its getting horribly old. I dont understand. \
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Maybe Im suppose to be single; what a horrible life this is.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
1 Comment Viewed 916 times
Comments

Re: Being single

Permanent Linkby Snaga on Mon Jul 08, 2019 4:46 am

Maybe you are; maybe you aren't, Omnicell. We can never say what the future holds; but as long as we're above ground, there's always a glimmer of hope. And you've been the most hopeful, persevering person that I know. I think it's okay to feel down every so often- but I have faith in you that you'll bounce back. There is, I think, literally, someone for everyone. She just hasn't appeared yet.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, because Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, because Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Let it go.
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