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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
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Next social level is revealed to me
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   Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:22 am

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Being single

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am

Maybe Im suppose to be single until I die; Maybe Im not suppose to be with someone and fall in love or have someone; Im suppose to be alone the rest of my life.
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Im 56 years old and have had no one. I do attract women I guess. but Im not around any women I want to date. nothing.
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Im around no middle class people; no middle class women.
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My interest was an Asian soulmate. And; nothing!
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My interest was an Asian soulmate that liked telescopes and astronomy and star parties. Nothing.
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Nothing....
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Emptiness.
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I don't get why I deserve this. what did I do to the universe to piss the universe off this much to deserve this. Why is this so hard. Where are the people for me to date.
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I dont have any money; that eliminated 75% of the women I would be interested in; or 90%
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I guess I could put myself out their; but where. And Ive never had a girlfriend. Nothing that I actually wanted to date. Someone I actually liked or thought of as an equal. Or loved being around or thought was so adorable I wanted to stay with them for the rest of my life. All that happened is; Im getting old; thats all thats happening.
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I just dont get it.
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I have no thoughts; no movement but desolation when I think about women; I see nothing. I see no worth. Nothing.
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I see walls up in every direction; I just wanted to meet a nice person that I thought was adorable. cant the universe bring me someone. No? cant? Im I really suppose to spend my life alone. Really!
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Using the laws of attraction; I never got the guitar or implanted teeth, or camper can or truck or car or road trip or vacation or Asian soulmate. Or anything else. Never got a place to look at the moon at night. My telescope just sits in the apartment. I hate taking it outside unless its my own backyard. Im not interested. I prayed about this. Nothing. No house.
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I was playing drums; now; nothing. That didnt work out.. I dont get it.
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I dont get any of this. At times I just want to die.
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Most of my experiences on earth; I just want to die. I've always wanted to die and leave this planet; I've needed these goals to give me substance. but the universe is not helping me. Nothing is happening. Nothing.
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Am I suppose to be single. really. Is that all the universe is worth. Nothing!
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The universe cant being me a first girlfriend. No! That I might experience being with someone I actually feel safe with.... at least once in my life....
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Where do I meet these people. I have no idea. Nothing. Im terrified of not being enough of anything in any direction. I have no money; so I have no power. No car..
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Maybe Im suppose to be single and die. Maybe; then why put out all this work. For what.
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What am I suppose to do. I have no real friends; nothing. why! Im an intelligent man. Why is all this happening to me. why?
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My talents dont make any sense; nothing does. Im just getting older; thats all thats happening.
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As for women; I have no clue; the universe is not bringing me anything; Im not attracting anyone.
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Ill keep at it for kicks; I dont know what to do.
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IVe had some Asian women walk by ; they look at me like their superior to me; Im nothing. OK; what good did that do.
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Im not sure why the universe is not helping me. Im so tired of investing in the universe; its getting horribly old. I dont understand. \
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Maybe Im suppose to be single; what a horrible life this is.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
1 Comment Viewed 1269 times
Comments

Re: Being single

Permanent Linkby Snaga on Mon Jul 08, 2019 4:46 am

Maybe you are; maybe you aren't, Omnicell. We can never say what the future holds; but as long as we're above ground, there's always a glimmer of hope. And you've been the most hopeful, persevering person that I know. I think it's okay to feel down every so often- but I have faith in you that you'll bounce back. There is, I think, literally, someone for everyone. She just hasn't appeared yet.
Image

Life is short- make of it what you can, while you can.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
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Snaga
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