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Consumer 6
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- April 2020
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Being sexually immature around women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Apr 29, 2018 1:39 pm

Sexually immature around women! Im scared that they will see me when Im thinking about them; in fact; I wont allow myself to think about them sexually when Im around them; its been trained out of me by my mother; she was a psychopath and a bully! and I learned to feel nothing and stay inline like a robot or id be thrown away; I was always on the threat of it; they did not have to say anything; they were already throwing me away and I did not want to go through being thrown away anymore; it was happening all the time! to much of the time; and no one wold save me from it! The rest of the community got involved and did it! They were as bad or evil as the people I had to stay with when I was unable to protect my self because I did not know what was going on; I was to young to understand!
I was being destroyed and bullied to death in direct and indirect ways; my whole life; I was left in a dream world alone; no clue of what was really going on and that I was being destroyed and would be let go; like being fired from a job!

Im scared to show my feelings around women
Im scared they will see Im just a little boy inside and have no real feelings of my own! That I cant feel! that I want to, but I need to be taken care of! loved and nurtured until I can stand on my own emotional feet! I just want women to put their arms around me and hold me and take care of me; but my mother since Im only 8 years old! and Im scared to ask them for this! Im afraid this would open the door for them to manipulate me!
Men are not really afraid that women are going to castrate them emotionally; they are already being castrated because they cant stand up to their own emotions and desires!
When Im up close to a women; I want her body! I want to feel that I want her body; the excitement and energy when Im around her! Im want to learn to touch her with my thoughts and my desires and energies and implied energies! This scares me and I dont feel worthy or good enough!
Im scared to think around women; they might see me; they might see me liking them and then they can take advantage of me; because thats all their good for; taking advantage of me! they dont care about me; or what happens to me! Non of them!
The truth is; I want to be up close to them and practice so I can be sexually mature around women! I did not have women around me when young! I did when very young; neighborhood kids! But it was not really my neighborhood! I was part of no neighborhood; nothing! As I got older, I become more n more dissociative and alienated from everything around me! I had the TV set; and that was all!
I have to feel good about myself around women and feel good enough to associate with women. I have to practice on them! Practice with them!
So, its about flirting with women! and the fears of getting up close with women and just standing their with them; I never learned this when young; I learned nothing when young; only the TV set showed me how to live; and then it started to fade as I got older; past 6 years old; and it faded into nothing; nothingness! At that point their was a struggle; and then I was released into nothingness! lost and slowly dying inside!
The goal is facing fear and building confidence; This means facing women! this means; working with source energy of the universe! this means; demanding plans from the universe for this desire! and watching the signs and keep practicing up close and next to women!

I get scared up close to women; Im secretly feeling sexually aroused around women and I dont want them to see it! but that is immature; and Im scared; scared to be close enough to touch them romantically or intimately; and Im afraid they will know this and laugh at me and put me down.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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