Sexual abuse from ages 0-5; that is what Im dealing with! its very hard; as I get better, that is all I see, and can visualize from the feelings; the feeling are creating visuals, graphic representations of whats happening to me! not good, Im being control, with rape and sexual assault and violence! At what level; Im still alive!
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Its not good; its psychopaths and sociopathic monsters! I know who they are! generally speaking! theirs a good chance this is ritualistic abuse! to bad; nothing I can do about it! I plan not to be a victim of it! so; but its controlling my nervous system; its got me shut down!
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My nervous system will not allow anyone in bed with me! I feel dirty, and less then, I feel like a little boy! I feel like I can be controlled by a dominating mother figure that is sexual tied me up or has other doing it! Something horrible is happening to me! Im stuck, like Im trapped or chained against a wall! and or tied up to something; a machine! the front of it! This is not the first time Ive seen these memories! The lights are on; its farm equipment, this is a basement! These are small equipment! Im not the only one their! Its like Im surrounded! Im assuming its satanic in nature; the rituals!
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The point; its hard to have a future with a women, if I cant first get over these things! Its a small child in me scared to death that is clammed up; stuck in one position of physical fear!
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Well, stuck in many positions of physical fear!
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I have to keep working with God to work through these things! In many cases, I have to share this with people; I have to keep exposing it until my inner self wants to do something about it! Im attempting to get the secrets out! over n over n over!