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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Being put down and degenerated by a step father

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Apr 12, 2019 5:11 am

One person or persons of horror; like a horror haunted house; step father; or evil; Ill call it evil; I don't need to put a face or name on it.
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It was like being in a horror movie and I was the subject victim of the movie. Its all so very sad.
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My identity was 2nd vented; meaning, I was pushed down so they; the house holders could be pushed up. I was used as an object to make these creeps feel better about themselves; I was just used. I didn't know it would be like this; I was a nice kid; A nice person who had already been destroyed; I thought this was an escape; little did I know I was being set up into another trap.
. story married, told this person I was worthless and a trouble maker; and thats what the psychopath does to keep their host on there side. The psychopath did not want me living with them; nore to ever see me again; However, the state would not legally allow that; this psychopath had no choice; I was under age; they had to take me in.
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My identity and masculinity were destroyed; or not developed. No one cared. This was not my father and didn't care; but filth like this; weaklings trying to fake fathership. He thought he was a big shot being with this psychopath; thought he was moving up in the world.
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I was pushed down and controlled and ridiculed like I was a fool. it was abusive. It was an act of aggression; they didn't want me their. when I hit 16, they didn't want to feed me anymore. They did care about my future or my schooling. I didn't know what I was getting into; I was trying to get away from being raped from the other place; so, I thought I would live with my mother; but no mother was their; this was a psychopath; their never had been a mother!
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The problem with the sociopath or psychopath; they never look backward to what they’ve have done; theirs no conscious. So, I, as a child, am not being told whats going on. Im not aware of whats going on or what my future is; as its being controlled by these psychopaths. Im not aware of what they are. They will ultimately destroy me for pleasure; as they would destroy all who get to close accept those they can use for their own needs; I call those people hosts; those people the psychopath manipulates in to live from. Thats how the psychopath camouflage’s. The psychopath finds a new host with economic means of interest; and political and social needs of interest; for the psychopath does not want to be found out. The psychopath finds weaklings to manipulate; The psychopath is 20 times more aware of its surroundings then the average person; they can sense weakness in any human; for they prey on humans.
So; I was walking into a trap when I was a teenager; I never knew; I was never on the side of the psychopath and the psychopath new this; I was never on her side from the beginning of my life; never. Never liked her; never trusted her; However, with my father around; when small, I thought she was suppose to be a mother; and that lasted up to about 7 years old. At 6 or 7 I became aware of my surroundings a bit more.
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The point is; now; Im trying to get my own life rolling. Get my own money consciousness; but something goes wrong; the step father; he shows up in my head smashing on me; pTSD flash backs. They had nothing but contempt for me. And the psychopath made sure to find the right kind of person for the job. a weakling that would always take her side and worship the status she spring boards his life within. Meaning, his status goes up; he thinks he’s got it made with his new women. What he doesn’t know; she’s completely manipulated him out of himself and his original kids and family; lied about everything pathologically; everything. And she will separate any of her new step children from their father if they dont take her side.
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I was crushed and my future crushed and undeveloped; they make sure of it; they don't want me developing and making them look small; the step father. The psychopath feels the same way; but the psychopath is a sadistic animal and doesn't care; meaning, they will get rid of anything and anyone that they cant use.
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The psychopath manipulates many people; not just the host; However, if the host dies; the psychopath will manipulate others to take care of them. Ive seen it done; complete manipulated and exploitation.
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The point is; I got trampled over so I would not grow and develop. Now that Im developing and wanting to develop more; Im seeing his face( step father) in my mind and nervous system; Im triggered and relieving trauma through triggered flash backs; lots of them. The goal is to work through the past, the sadness and grief of my life being snuffed out; relive it, move on from it; very hard work. scares me.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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