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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Being myself

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 11, 2013 4:59 am

Nothing is harder then self acceptance!

I was ripped out of self, I was destroyed out of self, I was brainwashed out of self. I was bullied and controlled out of self, I was raped and tortured out of self. Self means death; and this was almost achieved. It seems like a dreams to me; what happened! Most of my life has been destroyed. It is God that has kept me alive.

I was hated from the start, then later I was hated again. I have known only hatred! When I am myself, I am hated.
I trusted much when very young, and was destroyed from it. Although I thought I was loved, cared about and connected. I was never any of these things. Possibly in the future I can be these things again.
I spent my life alone and I never knew it! I thought I was liked by people; they never saw me! I thought I was liked by my family; I had no family, it was a death trap full of sociopaths. And this family system would be destroyed at my young age! I was not prepared and had no idea it was coming.

I thought the school systems were full of nice people; not so! The system only respect force and power! if you have protection from family, you are accepted. If you are alone, you will be destroyed. When alone, teachers or the principle of school systems can turn you into a scapegoat bad person! This happened to me!

I thought I had lost all friends; I never had any friends, and this broke my heart! All that I cherished turned into a joke and a lie! I was deceived by the middle class propaganda. I was deceived by the middle class people! All was a lie!

Im attempting to wake up! and come back to reality! and reality is happening for me slowly! its like poison from a snake bite; it must come out slowly! it must be pulled out through the skin very slowly!

I am still heart broken, but better, beat up and alive! I am slowly getting stronger; stronger to be myself. I am a decent person around many indecent people! I am treated horribly and less then what Im worth!
The goal is having strength around people! The ability to get them out of my life and keep them out! not be intimidated by people or bullied by them or manipulated by them or controlled by them!

The goals is acceptance of the past, and slowly move into the present! feel, deal, and heal!

PTSD plays a major role in this!

Im starting to approach people and talk with them! It was impossible to interact with people; I am changing, and slowly healing.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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