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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1029
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (871)
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- May 2019
Thinking about moving
   Thu May 23, 2019 9:49 pm
PTSD and breaking through?
   Thu May 23, 2019 7:29 pm
i have alot more to talk about
   Sat May 18, 2019 11:49 pm
I cant remember sex
   Sat May 18, 2019 4:32 am
Somewhere in time
   Fri May 17, 2019 6:01 am
Goals of being myself again
   Thu May 16, 2019 8:36 pm
In limbo land
   Wed May 15, 2019 3:32 am
Getting fat and other things
   Mon May 13, 2019 6:14 am
Childhood horror starting to surface
   Sat May 11, 2019 12:00 am
blessings; this is stating for me; to feel blessed
   Thu May 09, 2019 7:41 pm
resentments and negative thinking
   Thu May 09, 2019 5:43 pm
Im working on stories
   Wed May 08, 2019 8:32 pm
Dissociative people write blogs
   Tue May 07, 2019 6:18 pm
Coming back; no friends
   Mon May 06, 2019 3:50 am

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Being around abusers

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:33 pm

I find myself repeating my childhood everywhere I go! I end up finding the same kind of people that molested me and hanging around them and trying to appease them by being friends with them; even tho they treat me badly! and they are bullies! Im looking for more bullies to associate with because its all I know! I was never able to get beyond them; work past them! instead; I had to appease them and people please them to stay alive! and thats what I do now; no matter where I go! Its horrible because it happens now! continues to happen!
.
Because of passive aggression; I end up saying hello to these people; I dont walk away or run away or avoid; I feel scared and frightened and end up going toward them physically out of passive aggression and saying hello to them; trying to act like their my friends; in reality; I hate them but Im scared to death of them because I think Im 13 again; and they are stronger and bigger then me and I cant defend myself and theirs no one there to protect me! meaning; no family system to protect me politically or legally! Nothing! Im completely alone! And Im alone in the world and Im suppose to stand up to these bullies; cant do it; Im petrified and scared! Its also, the only way I know how to get attention; hang out with people who have no respect for me and treat me horribly!
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So; Im looking for my abusers; in fact; their the only type of people I know how to have a relationship with!
Im truly scared to death to reach out to anyone else; Im afraid anyone else would never want me or accept me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/clinical Depression
lighter forms of agoraphobia
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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