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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1107)
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- November 2020
The work is over my head; but thats OK
   Wed Nov 18, 2020 8:35 am
Wont let the people I love into my life...
   Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:45 am
Social and feeling worthy
   Mon Nov 16, 2020 4:21 pm
Loving myself for real
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 5:15 pm
Moving onward
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:29 pm
And her vision keeps getting closer
   Wed Nov 11, 2020 11:19 am
On moving on and creating a new life
   Sun Nov 08, 2020 9:53 pm
Breaking the dating barrier
   Sat Nov 07, 2020 6:22 pm
Back to the drawing board with women
   Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:53 am
Changes are occurring; still isolated and lonely
   Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:13 am

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Being around abusers

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:33 pm

I find myself repeating my childhood everywhere I go! I end up finding the same kind of people that molested me and hanging around them and trying to appease them by being friends with them; even tho they treat me badly! and they are bullies! Im looking for more bullies to associate with because its all I know! I was never able to get beyond them; work past them! instead; I had to appease them and people please them to stay alive! and thats what I do now; no matter where I go! Its horrible because it happens now! continues to happen!
.
Because of passive aggression; I end up saying hello to these people; I dont walk away or run away or avoid; I feel scared and frightened and end up going toward them physically out of passive aggression and saying hello to them; trying to act like their my friends; in reality; I hate them but Im scared to death of them because I think Im 13 again; and they are stronger and bigger then me and I cant defend myself and theirs no one there to protect me! meaning; no family system to protect me politically or legally! Nothing! Im completely alone! And Im alone in the world and Im suppose to stand up to these bullies; cant do it; Im petrified and scared! Its also, the only way I know how to get attention; hang out with people who have no respect for me and treat me horribly!
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So; Im looking for my abusers; in fact; their the only type of people I know how to have a relationship with!
Im truly scared to death to reach out to anyone else; Im afraid anyone else would never want me or accept me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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